Growth 'Dark Matter' Found In Brown Universe

EU commission chiefs have told the government to stop pouring Brown sauce over the dire economy with a crafty 'growth' con to cut the whopping budget deficit. Kinda screws up cunning plans to conjure up a budget election manifesto sham to screw the Tories and screw the economy.

Borrowing Brown has been told to get his house in order and clean up his economic mess while there's a house left standing, or face repossession and face the scrapheap with basket-case Greece.

Delivering a devastating blow to the government and its handling of the economy, a leaked European Commission report has blasted Borrowing Brown's irresponsible plans for reducing the budget deficit as "not ambitious enough".

But chief secretary to the treasury, Byrne, said the report was, er, "wrong". What part of "get on with it and stop fannying around" doesn't he understand?

The Orange Party has got heartily fed up with all the Brown sauce porkies over the economic mess. "Curb your spending, Brussels tells Brown", bellows The Times - and curb your enthusiasm for pork pie politics.

EU rules sensibly say government deficits must be below 3% of GDP. The UK's debt is expected to hit £178 billion - a deficit of 12.6% of GDP - this year. And that's apart from the £200 billion of funny money swilling around.

Ministers insist on churning out the line they will "halve the deficit in four years". Halve the deficit note, not the crippling borrow and spend debt burden.

But lurking in the undergrowth, treasury economic models are based on a mysterious 'growth' - the dodgy 'Dark Matter'* of the economic world, used to mean all things to all economists and politicians.

Brussels reckons Borrowing Brown's flight of fancy may be missed because 'growth' could be lower than forecast.

Factored into all treasury forecasts is a dodgy dark matter of 'growth'. No wonder there is so much spin over a green shoots sham and the politics of optimism. Without that elusive 'growth', the Brown economy would collapse round his ears like a pack of cards.

A forecast of 2% growth in 2010-11, and then 3.3% growth for the next four years is a tad optimistic to say the least. What happens if the economy doesn't perform as spun?

Dreadful Darling's last throw of the election dice with a meaningless budget manifesto, is all part of the deceitful plan. Screwing opposition parties and screwing the country. Craftily focussing on the sham of a 'growth' deficit but not getting to grips with Borrowing Brown's debt.

But it really doesn't matter if they are wrong or right. They won't be around to find out - or take the rap.

*Dark Matter is a funny little fictional fellow made up by big-brained scientists to fit into their equations and make their mind-numbing models of the universe work like clockwork.