Friday, April 09, 2010

Labour's McTweet Sacked By PC World

A wannabe Scottish New Labour MP has been sacked after his "foul-mouthed" twitter rants slagged off everything and everybody. But were those 'outrageous' tweets so outrageous?

The Orange Party has run its own FactCheck over the ranting Scot.

A quick check via Goole and it seems Stuart MacLennan is a bit of a p***. But an educated one at that, with his fingers in every New Labour election pie that's going. A Moray lad with a degree from Edinburgh - which puts him in the good company of famous alumni and the likes of, er, Gordon Brown.

But what of those disgraceful outburst? The Scottish Sun lists them all with relish. But the family newspaper turns in to the Star with expletives deleted to protect the innocent. Paul Waugh at the Standard has the unexpurgated version.

Branding commons speaker Bercow a "t**". "An opportunist little t***", claiming the Tory is "detested". FactCheck: True

LibDem Clegg is a "b******". Clegg can "f*** right off if he things he's in the same league as Brown and Cameron". FactCheck: True

Cameron's a "t***". FactCheck: The jury's still out on that one. Labour MP Diane Abbot, is "a f****** idiot". FactCheck: Pass (quickly over that one).

In one tweet MacLennan complained of being in a pub full of "depressed teuchters". Factcheck: Even Ewen Bain with his Angus Og would drink to that. Just being called a "teuchter" as an insult beats a Glaswegian kiss any day.

Tweeting on, the hopeful MP dismissed the set-piece show-piece 'prime ministerial' TV debates, claiming: "Really couldn't care less about Leaders' Debates, except to ask why the f*** does Nicholas Clegg get to take part?" Factcheck: True.

Turning on the wonderful US president, he twerped: "Barack Obama wins Nobel Peace Prize. Discuss. You've got to be f****** kidding me." FactCheck: True.

Clearly a man who likes the odd twittering tipple, he claimed: "Johnnie Walker Red Label is so awful they can't sell it in Scotland." Factcheck: True. A blended whisky. Tastes like gnat's p*** compared with a single malt.

But PC world went bananas over one tweet: “God this fairtrade, organic banana is s***. Can I have a slave-grown, chemically enhanced, genetically modified one please?”

Factcheck: Bananas are grown using 'slave labour' working in appalling conditions to sell them cheap as chips, pumped up with nasty chemicals to keep them ripe for the journey and satisfy Western taste buds. And the vast majority of people like and buy them, just like that.

Edinburgh Uni Labour Club has him down as "an ageing g** who just won't go away. "He's worked on almost every losing by-election campaign ... and the few that he's stayed away from have been the ones Labour has won. Maybe he should adopt that policy more often."

And so it came to pass. But New Labour first said MacLennan would continue as a candidate after saying he's ever so sorry for wot he tweeted. But faced with Tory and SNP faux outrage with the scent of blood in their nostrils - he had to go.

Now MacLennan will no longer be the Party's Moray candidate, admitting tweeting "silly" and "offensive" comments, after a quick reverse ferret by Scotland minister, Murphy.

But what surprises the Orange Party is that he came in for all this stick not from New Labour but from the very people who often slag off New Labour's nanny state and PC world. Hattie would be proud.

Overall FactCheck verdict: Sharp-eyed readers may have spotted that the Orange Party isn't New Labour's biggest fan. A hapless no-hoper in a no-hope seat and odious little tweeting twerp, for sure. But this was f****** twitter. A joke for C*****'* sake. Whatever happened to post-modern irony. Lighten up.

The Orange Party has a special request for the tweeting ex-PPC. Could you tweet a parting shot on the Broonites? Keep it clean.

Top picture: The Scottish Sun. Mid graphic: Ewen Bain's 'Angus Og' from the Og logs.


Thursday, April 08, 2010

No Wonder Voters Are Bored

Election weary-voters are bored, already. And there's still 28 long days to go. Where is the big issue to set the country alight and set tongues wagging? Instead voters are being treated like children. The election is turning into a lack-lustre campaign left to turn on cock-ups and gaffes.

Capturing and controlling the political agenda is at the heart of the parties election campaigns. Now reduced to stage-managed sham shows with 'the people' almost an afterthought, used as stage props.

But it is voters who should drive the election agenda not politicians nor the media. After all, it is voters who will decide what kind of country they want come election day. But they are being denied the chance.

A Politicshome poll reveals a stark truth: Two-thirds of the public find the campaign a "tiresome and long-winded process". Or to put it another way: They're bored out of their skulls.

The reason is quite simple. The election campaign began months if not years ago - ever since Bottling Brown famously bottled it with the 2007 'election that never was'.

Since then cunning Brown has spent his waking hours thinking up ways to wrong-foot the opposition and cling onto power. The crafty plan to Brown-beat the public into submission has left voters cold.

The economy is taking centre stage. But for voters it's not the economy per se that's important but the fear of losing their jobs or trying to get one, trying to make ends meet, the cost of goods and services. These are real world economics which worry voters.

New Labour is desperate to move on and move away from a highly damaging NI jobs tax row. But that issue has rattled the cage and chimed with the public. And it's not the economy, it's the fear of a tax which could hit jobs.

The election may be about the real economy. But "poll after poll shows the public to be deeply concerned about immigration and its impact on our population," Labour's Fearless Frank Field has warned time and time again.

But the party consensus is to not make that a 'big issue'. Immigration never gets the traction the public want it to have. Even though the vexed issue regularly comes out top in the minds of voters. Instead it's nibbled away at and buried.

The Mail had a stab at it today - splashing the shocking statistic that virtually every job created under New Labour has gone to Johnny foreigner. A straight lift from Fraser Nelson's detailed analysis in the Spectator and the conclusion that "Brown has used it [immigration] to cover up the extent of his failure."

Immigration figures alone are hardly earth shattering news in the wake of the deceit of 'open door' immigration laid bare in Nethergate with backdoor immigration by deception. And the smoking gun of a shameful 'unchecked' immigration policy as part of a vote-rigging scam to puff up New Labour's share of the voting cake.

Porkie Brown's lies over migration figures just made matters worse. But put 'immigration' and 'jobs' together and this becomes an election hot potato, too hot to handle.

So the issue is dutifully noted and then, like the Mail splash and the Speccy analysis, dutifully ignored.

Instead New Labour is relying on a compliant media and its commentators, banging on about the big yawn of 'constitutional reform' as a big issue. Wetting their knickers over a deliberately spun 'hung parliament' con. But the public can see through the sham of a media class kowtowing to a political class to ram 'narratives' down their throats.

Trying to set the agenda by dodgy polls which are now coming thick and fast is a lazy way to reflect what voters want to talk about. Polls come with a health warning. Using a misleading uniform national swing (UNS) from a small weighted sample to predict an outcome, when it's marginals that count.

Political parties need to up their game if the election isn't going to end as one big turn off. The disgrace and shame of greedy MPs won't go away. The election will be won by the politicians who can find a simple, honest way to connect with voters and chime with what they are thinking and worried about.

Still weeks to go and some weary political hacks are becoming increasingly hacked off. And that makes for a dangerous beast to have around.

Bored stiff, seizing on any old 'event', cock-up, gaffe and heckler to liven things up for readers and viewers. And politicians will only have themselves to blame.


Wednesday, April 07, 2010

End Of Clown Brown And His Clunking Fist

The commons big top is coming down. The bear pit swept away. Jugglers are out of a job. Even the ringmaster is packing his bags. The end of PMQs and the greatest show on earth - Clown Brown and His Great Clunking Fist.

Today Fag-end Brown had his last chance at the last chance saloon of PMQs and blew it, falling apart at the seams under relentless attack from bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Dave. Even fed-up New Labour frontbenchers looked glum.

The Orange Party will miss the weekly grilling - when Sick-note Brown bothers to turn up all a-stumblin' and a-dodgin'. Today's last commons clash was no exception. Fudging and clunking and lying through his teeth.

Grisly old Brown's great clunking fist up against freshly-scrubbed Dave doing angry so well. Little Cleggy trying to get a look in with a strange camera angle which makes him look so small.

The confrontational slagging-off style at the heart of the country's corrupt democratic institution is not to everyone's taste. Tough. It's built into the commons with benches arranged for opposing armies ready to do battle.

Deceitful Brown is a dab hand at dodging. Ducking and diving, never ever answering a direct question with a direct answer - but that's politicians for you.

The trick is to make yourself sound and look plausible. Time and again Bumbling Brown showed he can't hack it. The public sees through the sham as he falls flat on his face.

But this is politics in the raw. A weekly battle to get your sound bites and clips on to the broadcast news. And the chance for some boring backbench fart to suck up to the boss with a planted question.

The dispatch box battle has brought some memorable TV Highlights of the Years. Bogey Brown, as the cooking-the-books chancellor, picking his nose and getting a smash hit on YouTube. Flash Gordon crashing to the ground with his gaffe to 'save the world'.

But it is the shameful spectacle of Porkie Brown forced to admit that he lied to the public, Chilcot and parliament over defence cuts which sticks in the throat.

Deceitful Brown's ploy of churning out reams of tractor stats to blind the opposition became a joke. Disgraced speaker Martin sucking up to his New Labour cronies was a disgrace. Now Squeaker Bercow climbs up onto the big boys chair to try make himself look important.

Cool Dude Dave came in with guns a-blazin' for the final showdown. The sights were on Porkie Brown's lies over helicopters and defence cuts. Buster Brown's Great Pension Fund Robbery. And Business-bashing Brown's NI 'jobs tax'.

With the Brown corpse stripped of its flesh, one of Cameron's vultures even slipped in a sly dig at Sham Brown moving from 'safe house to safe house' for his election stunts.

For the political Brown sauce counters, the Orange Party reckons it all added up to: Plant count - 4. Ashcroft count - 3. Clunking Fist count - 1. Tractor stats count - off the scale.

But never mind the big boys. The Orange Party reckons it's time to hear from the little party for the little people.

As the struggling Supreme Leader slopes off into the shadows of history, it was Cleggy who delivered the best Brown put down of the day: "You've failed. It's over. Time to go."

That's show business.


Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Bottling Brown Finally Calls It A Day

Bottling Brown has finally thrown in the towel and found the guts to call it a day, much to the relief of election-weary voters. A miserable end to a disastrous decade of failure, lies and deceit. Spun as 'everything to play for', the reality is Tories can smell victory. Victori spolia.

The country is set to enter limbo-land with no MPs. Run by an unelected prime minister who is not even an MP with unelected Dark Lord Mandy both a government minister and the unacceptable face of an unacceptable New Labour Party.

It's been a long time coming. Nearly three distinctly odd years since 'the election that never was'. Bottling Brown had his chances and he blew them - time and time again, determined to cling on to power until the bitter end.

In that time Cameron has transformed the Tories from a bunch of no-hopers on a mission impossible to the government in waiting. Now set to try mission impossible and overturn a rigged in-built New Labour majority. In the real world, the election is being called with Dave on his uppers. Tories new-found spring optimism has put a spring in their step.

Meanwhile New Labour has lurched from one disaster to another with cock-ups coming thick and fast. Caught out with lies over defence cuts, lies over migration figures and lies over the rotten state of Borrowing Brown's broken economy.

The phoney war is over and a short and snappy election campaign proper begins. But New Labour's real campaign began months ago as part of the plan to capture and control a compliant state broadcaster, flood the airways with taxpayer-funded party propaganda and drip-feed a duped media with dodgy spin.

Still the spin goes on. Fuelled by a Guardian/ICM poll which "puts the parties at their closest in almost two years". A rogue poll on the very day Brown calls it a day - what a coincidence. Well out of step with other polls out giving a 10% Tory lead. But it suits a media narrative to 'have everything up for grabs and everything to play for'.

The brutal truth is Dithering Brown waited too long and has run out of time. Even a mere month ago the Tories were wobbling along. Now Tories have fired the red button marked attack on the pre-election grid. And with the magic double-digit lead needed for victory now within reach, look set for a slender majority.

The infamous rogue YouGov/Sunday Times push poll with dodgy weightings to spin a 'hung parliament' with Tories and New Labour neck and neck pushed Dave in to action. A much-needed kick up the backside which probably did Tories a favour. Dave is at his best and boldest with his back to the wall.

But now the sham phoney war is over the rules of engagement have changed. No one can break wind without an election spin with carefully stage-managed stunts. Politicians will be fighting like ferrets in a sack and that is a mighty turn-off for voters.

In the few days 'wash-up', before the Queen formally dissolves parliament on April 12, the country enters one of its most undemocratic periods. Party bigwigs begin horse-trading deals behind closed doors over what planned laws will get through and what will not.

Then MPs will be no more, booted out to to fight the fight or count their golden goodbyes. The Palace of Westminster becomes a no-go area for party politicking politicians and SpAds of any colour or flavour. Civil servants will keep a beady eye on any minister who tries to sneak in a bit on the political side with party puffs dressed up as "government information".

Election laws kick in with the broadcast media having to stick to strict impartiality rules, marking the end of Brown's BBC. Robinson will have his toenails clipped. The print media will come out of the closet and nail their colours to the mast. Parties and pundits will scour the media for evidence of blatant bias.

Polls will come thick and fast but should be treated with a pinch of salt. Predicted outcomes based on a misleading uniform national swing (UNS) from a small weighted sample are a sham. It is the battle of the marginals where the election will be fought, won and lost.

In some key seats, the outcome will be decided not on policies or personalities but on whether New Labour has perfected its dodgy postal vote scams.

Mandy is the 'face' fronting the fag-enders campaign to sell the tired old brand. Now in the grip of the Gang of Four of Mandy, Campbell, Gould and Blair. Liability Brown is let out of the box for special occasions. Today a weary public had to suffer Beaming Brown as the media circus descended on Downing Street and on to a sham stump.

Dirty old habits die hard. New Labour will continue to lie through its teeth to pick up a few straggling votes. Tories will fawn over freshly scrubbed Dave's polished performances. A few saddos will stick up for the silly parties.

Honesty and trust are at the heart of the election campaign. The stench of the House of Shame still lingers in the air over Westminster. Brown lies have been exposed. New Labour's credibility has been shot to pieces. The party of failure has finally been forced to throw in the towel. Porkie Brown's legacy is a Party in meltdown.

The Orange Party is living in hope. Dave's 'Tory Blair' government remains vastly preferable to the prospect of either five more years of B'Stard Brown or the chaos of a hung parliament with Windbag Clegg, strutting around trying to look important.

But The Times has got it about right. The election is not about the party you want but about the kind of country you want. And voters will decide that on May 6.


Monday, April 05, 2010

Hurry Up Gordon, Weary Voters Can't Wait

Bottling Brown is running out of time, finally forced to find the guts to call it a day. The sham of a phoney war is over, much to the relief of election-weary voters. Soon it will be all over bar the voting. But the election campaign began in earnest well before Dithering Brown blows the whistle tomorrow.

A short and snappy 'formal' election campaign was always part of the cunning plan. It took time to capture the state broadcaster and flood the airways with taxpayer-funded party propaganda dressed up as government information. And drip dodgy spin to a duped media sucked in and taken for a ride.

And with Liability Brown only allowed out of the box for special occasions, it took time to find the 'new face' to sell the tired old brand.

The fag-enders campaign is now in the hands of the original Gang of Four of Mandy, Campbell, Gould - and Blair. Dirty old habits die hard. Up front is Lord Mandy - in your face and all over the place.

But with a long phoney war came more chance of cock-ups. Lies over defence cuts. Lies over migration figures and lies over the rotten state of Borrowing Brown's busted economy. Bound to be caught out sometime.

Time and again Bottling Brown had his chance and blew it, determined to cling on to power until the bitter end. The Orange Party reckons, the chances came every month since famously bottling it in 2007. Even a mere month ago the Tories were wobbling along.

But refusing to budge, with all the arrogance and self-serving importance of a politician convinced of his own rectitude, the general election became an irritant. Now Porkie Brown's legacy is a Party in meltdown.

The election is being called with Dave on his uppers. Tories new-found spring optimism has put a spring in their step. New Labour lurches from one disaster to another. Cool Dave as cool TV guy astride the coolest car? That's what happens when you let loose a couple of schoolboy Milibands.

The rules of engagement will change. Strict broadcasting laws over balance kick in. No one can break wind without an election spin. Parties will be fighting like ferrets in a sack, leaving a mighty turn-off for voters.

But a weary public still has to suffer the sham of Beaming Brown meeting Her Maj, having a cup of tea and a pee and back to the office, just 'getting on with the job'.

Meanwhile the country is set to be in limbo-land, waiting for the House of Shame to dissolve in tears as a whole host of ex-MPs rush off to count their expenses, payoffs and golden goodbyes.

With a few days 'wash-up', the country enters one of its most undemocratic periods. Party bigwigs decide in secret behind closed doors what commons business will happen and what will not without a by your leave.

The country is set to be run by an unelected prime minister who is not even an MP with unelected Lord Mandy both a government minister and the unacceptable face of an unacceptable New Labour Party.

The choice has boiled down to honesty at the heart of the election campaign. Always the best policy. New Labour's credibility has been shot to pieces.

The fag-enders have finally been forced to throw in the towel. The Orange Party would suggest New Labour's only hope to salvage a few seats is to play it straight from now 'til election day - but that's not something that can be said with a straight face.

A miserable end to a disastrous decade of failure, lies and deceit and a spin machine hopelessly out of control.

UPDATE: 10pm The BBC's Nick Robinson confirms Brown will announce tomorrow polling day is on May 6.