Barbour Brown Is A Happy Bunny

Barbour Brown is having a field day hiding away while his enemies make silly season fools of themselves. And battered Brown didn't have to lift a nail-bitten finger. From haggard to happy, no wonder the relaxed Supreme Leader is looking so smug.

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Dave Ducks Out Of Dumping Dunky

Dave has ducked out of dumping Dunky Duncan after the Rations Rat blew any Tory pretence of being the People's 'Progressive' Party out of the water. Cameron gained the high ground on the MPs' expenses scandal. Now he's in danger of showing his true posh blue colours, refusing to sack Duncan from his shadow post.

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Google Launches 'Progressive' Opt-Out

As the press try to tease out a Tory love affair with Google, the internet giant has come over all 'progressive' with a new service which lets privacy critics opt-out and relocate to remote villages.

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Sugar-Coated Apprentice Gimmick Hard To Swallow

Disillusioned youngsters have been left in the lurch after a government apprenticeship 'gimmick' fronted by BBC personality, Alan Sugar, failed to lure them on to meaningless college courses to stave off a life on the dole. Even a spoonful of Sugar couldn't help the Brown medicine go down.

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What's New Pussycat?

Peter the Pussycat is due to arrive back in dear old Blighty to take a firm hand on the tiller of the sinking ship after swanning around with his uber-rich pals in the Med while running the country on his BlackBerry. With a decade of spin and illusion set to go down the pan, it's now all down to unelected Mandy to carry the torch for the dying New Labour brand.

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Put The BBC Out Of Our Misery

Auntie is on her last legs. The BBC is dying. The only way to save the BBC is to strip it of its licence fee, according to Labour's minister of common sense, Frank Field. Fine words but Auntie is actually alive and well and kicking back all the way to the bank, Frank.

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