Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Bottling Brown Finally Calls It A Day

Bottling Brown has finally thrown in the towel and found the guts to call it a day, much to the relief of election-weary voters. A miserable end to a disastrous decade of failure, lies and deceit. Spun as 'everything to play for', the reality is Tories can smell victory. Victori spolia.

The country is set to enter limbo-land with no MPs. Run by an unelected prime minister who is not even an MP with unelected Dark Lord Mandy both a government minister and the unacceptable face of an unacceptable New Labour Party.

It's been a long time coming. Nearly three distinctly odd years since 'the election that never was'. Bottling Brown had his chances and he blew them - time and time again, determined to cling on to power until the bitter end.

In that time Cameron has transformed the Tories from a bunch of no-hopers on a mission impossible to the government in waiting. Now set to try mission impossible and overturn a rigged in-built New Labour majority. In the real world, the election is being called with Dave on his uppers. Tories new-found spring optimism has put a spring in their step.

Meanwhile New Labour has lurched from one disaster to another with cock-ups coming thick and fast. Caught out with lies over defence cuts, lies over migration figures and lies over the rotten state of Borrowing Brown's broken economy.

The phoney war is over and a short and snappy election campaign proper begins. But New Labour's real campaign began months ago as part of the plan to capture and control a compliant state broadcaster, flood the airways with taxpayer-funded party propaganda and drip-feed a duped media with dodgy spin.

Still the spin goes on. Fuelled by a Guardian/ICM poll which "puts the parties at their closest in almost two years". A rogue poll on the very day Brown calls it a day - what a coincidence. Well out of step with other polls out giving a 10% Tory lead. But it suits a media narrative to 'have everything up for grabs and everything to play for'.

The brutal truth is Dithering Brown waited too long and has run out of time. Even a mere month ago the Tories were wobbling along. Now Tories have fired the red button marked attack on the pre-election grid. And with the magic double-digit lead needed for victory now within reach, look set for a slender majority.

The infamous rogue YouGov/Sunday Times push poll with dodgy weightings to spin a 'hung parliament' with Tories and New Labour neck and neck pushed Dave in to action. A much-needed kick up the backside which probably did Tories a favour. Dave is at his best and boldest with his back to the wall.

But now the sham phoney war is over the rules of engagement have changed. No one can break wind without an election spin with carefully stage-managed stunts. Politicians will be fighting like ferrets in a sack and that is a mighty turn-off for voters.

In the few days 'wash-up', before the Queen formally dissolves parliament on April 12, the country enters one of its most undemocratic periods. Party bigwigs begin horse-trading deals behind closed doors over what planned laws will get through and what will not.

Then MPs will be no more, booted out to to fight the fight or count their golden goodbyes. The Palace of Westminster becomes a no-go area for party politicking politicians and SpAds of any colour or flavour. Civil servants will keep a beady eye on any minister who tries to sneak in a bit on the political side with party puffs dressed up as "government information".

Election laws kick in with the broadcast media having to stick to strict impartiality rules, marking the end of Brown's BBC. Robinson will have his toenails clipped. The print media will come out of the closet and nail their colours to the mast. Parties and pundits will scour the media for evidence of blatant bias.

Polls will come thick and fast but should be treated with a pinch of salt. Predicted outcomes based on a misleading uniform national swing (UNS) from a small weighted sample are a sham. It is the battle of the marginals where the election will be fought, won and lost.

In some key seats, the outcome will be decided not on policies or personalities but on whether New Labour has perfected its dodgy postal vote scams.

Mandy is the 'face' fronting the fag-enders campaign to sell the tired old brand. Now in the grip of the Gang of Four of Mandy, Campbell, Gould and Blair. Liability Brown is let out of the box for special occasions. Today a weary public had to suffer Beaming Brown as the media circus descended on Downing Street and on to a sham stump.

Dirty old habits die hard. New Labour will continue to lie through its teeth to pick up a few straggling votes. Tories will fawn over freshly scrubbed Dave's polished performances. A few saddos will stick up for the silly parties.

Honesty and trust are at the heart of the election campaign. The stench of the House of Shame still lingers in the air over Westminster. Brown lies have been exposed. New Labour's credibility has been shot to pieces. The party of failure has finally been forced to throw in the towel. Porkie Brown's legacy is a Party in meltdown.

The Orange Party is living in hope. Dave's 'Tory Blair' government remains vastly preferable to the prospect of either five more years of B'Stard Brown or the chaos of a hung parliament with Windbag Clegg, strutting around trying to look important.

But The Times has got it about right. The election is not about the party you want but about the kind of country you want. And voters will decide that on May 6.

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