Tories Dig In For Victory

With just weeks to go before Bottling Brown names the day, New Labour has peaked and squeaked too early. Parties are now on an election war footing working to a carefully planned pre-election grid. The Tories have played the long game. Now it's time to turn up the heat and boldly go where they've wobbled before. All part of the Cam plan.

Tories are finally getting their act together for the final hurdle after fannying around with the dire economic Brown mess and botching up ‘Broken Britain’.

Ashroft? Bully-Boy Brown? Fishy push polls and well-hung parliaments? That was then, this is now. With a May 6 election looking likely, most spot news spin disappears as distant memories. Some still linger, not least the debt-ridden economy and MPs' sordid expenses saga.

Voters can see through the sham of carefully spun policy. The 'mood' of the electorate will become more important.

The disgraceful spectacle of three New Labour MPs charged with fiddling expenses trying to put themselves above the law will stick in the throats of voters right up to election day.

Having the bare-faced cheek to plead they shouldn't stand in the dock was an affront to justice. Trying it on with a feeble excuse of parliamentary privilege is enough to turn the stomach of any decent folk.

Forget the Tory peer. Forget Mail prejudices. The Mail captured the mood with today's headline: "'Thieves' who think they're above the law". It was the sight of Morley, Chaytor and Devine which lingers. The outrage is set to raise its ugly head again when the troughers appear in court on March 30, with the noise of an election firing gun ringing in their ears.

The presentation of the main party leaders matters. Here freshly scrubbed up, clear speaking Dave has the edge by a mile. Stage-managed 'prime ministerial debates', leaving the SNP out in the cold, will be watched only to see who breaks out into a sweat.

Cash-strapped New Labour doesn't have the funds to fight a lengthy formal campaign. New Labour peaked far too early with the 'Tears for Piers' party political broadcast. SamCam is now getting ready for a quiet night in with Sir Trev before strict election laws over broadcast balance finally kick in. At home with the Cleggies? Give us a break.

The Orange Party doesn't buy into the hung parliament hype which is based on a spurious uniform swing. The election will be won in the key marginals where Tories are making great strides. But a hung narrative does help gee up Tories, give fag-end New Labour faithful false hope and allow 'Kingmaker' Clegg out to play on Fantasy Island.

Dreams of holding the balance of power has left lacklustre LibDem leader, Wonderboy Clegg, strutting around feeling important, milking it for all it's worth. But as the Orange Party noted yesterday, that only served to reveal Two-Faced Clegg's true colours - red and blue with a yellow streak.

A 'Change' and 'Fairer Britain' slogan nicked from both New Labour and Tories falls flat on its face.

Foggy figures and heady headlines with fishy polls and dodgy weightings fuelled the well spun narrative of a well hung parliament but left money markets waking up in a cold sweat after a night of Brown nightmares. Something has got to give.

Borrowing Brown's last roll of the dice with a pre-election economic manifesto dressed up as a 'budget' on March 24 is the last shot across the bows. But, unlike previous 'budgets', New Labour will not have the game all to themselves this close to an election.

The bogeyman of St George's Day, April 23, with crucial GDP growth figures out for Q1 looms large. Spinners gambling on the 'good news' of another rigged recovery run the risk of the figures exposed as a sham and the stark reality of a country slipping back into recession depression.

Efforts to capture the media during the days of purdah between election call and polling day is a forlorn hope. At a stroke, Westminster becomes a no-go area for party politicking. Strict broadcasting rules mark the end of Brown's BBC. Robinson will have his toenails clipped.

Tim Montgomerie at conservativehome, reports that strategy gurus Coulson and Hilton have joined at the hip, reporting direct to king of cuts Honest Osborne. Housewives favourite, Cuddly Ken, will be wheeled out more. The only one who can make mincemeat out of Masterful Mandy.

Brand allegiance and the politics of false hope fade into obscurity. So many voters who flocked to New Labour in droves in the heady days of '97 are now ripe for the picking.

After playing all its cards, New Labour isn't winning, it's losing, whichever way it's spun. For the Tories, past pussyfooting around will be history. Bold, realistic messages will become the order of the day. Angry Cameron showed the fire in his belly at this week's PMQs, rounding on Porkie Brown who lied through his teeth over defence spending.

An economic mess. Five more years of Blustering Brown? Perish the thought. And it is those thoughts which will be driven home to linger in the minds of voters right up until polling day.

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Two-Faced Clegg Shows True Colours

Dreams of a well-hung parliament has left lacklustre LibDem leader, 'Kingmaker' Clegg, strutting around feeling important, milking it for all it's worth, revealing Two-Faced Clegg's true colours - red and blue.

The more Wonderboy Clegg opens his mouth, the more his true colours are revealed. Take your pick - red and yellow and green and blue.

Just where is Wonderboy coming from? In the muddled, confused world of LibDems, the answer is as clear as mud. But the little Party for the little people has finally woken up, smelt the Fairtrade coffee and realised a general election is just around the corner.

Waffle-on-a-stick has more heirs than the Hairy Bikers. Clegg the heir-to-Thatcher, in The Spectator. Cutting deeper than Tories, mesmerised by Maggie and with Stormin' Norman his new best friend. Clegg in the Independent. Wannabe heir-to-Blair with 'education, education, education', screw the rich with higher taxes, all washed down with greenwash.

In the confused world of the LibDem leader, the only certainties are an obsession with the EU and the dream of a voting system which will never see the light of day.

After ruling out immediate swingeing post-election cuts, now there's a cunning plan to make a £10 billion pound 'repayment' to cut the whopping £178 billion public debt with £200 billion of funny money swirling around.

A paltry £10 billion, eh? That will sure wipe the sweat off the brows of the moneymen. Everything's hunky dory in La-La-Land. Kinda puts Cleggy at odds with Saint Vince who reckons pussyfooting around is the best economic policy.

And where will the £15 billion of spending 'cuts' come from? Voters have to wait for Windbag Clegg to run that one past the Oracle. What a tease.

Once again the clapped-out band, the Cleggies, has re-released an old single in a forlorn fight-back. This time hoping Dancing With The Fairies will top the political hit parade.

The Orange Party is in no doubt LibDems made a big mistake plumping for a telegenic Blair lookalike as leader and fully paid up member of the political class. True to form, Euroboy has turned out shallow, untrustworthy and unpopular.

Confusing and disgraceful support over the undemocratic farce of the new EU Constitution/Treaty lost him any respect. Afghanistan? Don't go there. No one listens to Euro-boy Clegg, except his fan-club in the BBC and Guardian.

The Orange Party remembers the little lad accusing Dave of being a ‘conman’ who will "promise whatever they think it takes to get elected".

How we laughed.

Conman Cameron? That's a bit rich coming from a leader who's sunk to new depths as a New Labour clone of all style, no substance and a bad haircut.

Two-Faced Clegg is clutching at straws. Kingmaker Clegg is living on Fantasy Island with a hung parliament narrative driven by fishy push polls with dodgy weightings. Could Wonderboy ever bring himself to get into bed with a 'conman' in a hung parliament or grisly has-been Porkie Brown lying through his teeth at the Chilcot whitewash?

In poll after poll, LibDems are going nowhere with Nowhere Man in charge and only themselves to blame. But it's too late for the men and women in grey sandals to come for Clumsy Clegg. The LibDems made their Cleggy bed and they'll have to sleep in it with a windbag leader.

And that's a shame because there are a few good eggs in the basket-case Party.

Mid graphic: The Spectator

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Why Did Brown Leave The Budget So Late?

Bunkered Brown has been finally forced to announce the date for the fag-end government's pre-election budget manifesto on March 24, weathering the storm with storm clouds ahead. Why did it take the struggling Supreme Leader so long?

The date of the Darling Mandy/Brown Balls Budget has been one of life's mysteries. The only clue being Dreadful Darling coming clean with a vague "sometime in March".

The Orange Party has been thumbing through the Political Guide for Geeks. The 2008 budget was delivered on March 12, announced on February 1, 39 days ahead. Last year Darling's budget was delivered on April 22, announced on February 12, 69 days ahead of time. So why all the secrecy?

The budget date gives clues to the date of the election and more importantly when Bottling Brown will make that call. Setting the date too early would give the game away.

Blustering Brown's gut reaction is to cling on until the bitter end. Partly to push as much monkey business through parliament as possible to screw the Tories and partly because he doesn't think there's a need for an election anyway.

But the money markets are waking up in a cold sweat having Borrowing Brown nightmares as Brown Balls tried to pull a fast one on Darling Mandy.

The election call has to be made sooner rather than later. At the stroke of midnight on Monday 10 May 2010, "the current Parliament ... will cease to exist", according to the Electoral Commission. A general election to elect the new Parliament "must be held by no later than Thursday 3 June 2010."

The current election flavour of the month is May 6, just 28 days before the deadline set by law. But May 6 means parliament would be either proroged or dissolved at least 24 days earlier, by April 12.

The parliament website is still keeping tight-lipped over the date of the Easter Recess.

The budget fires the starting gun of the election campaign proper. The key last roll of the dice on the pre-election grid. A mere manifesto with little time left to push through any of the measures.

All part of the pre-election plan to capture and dominate the media narrative. After Cashroft and dodgy push polls, Brown is allowed out only for the odd weepy and to come over all statesmanlike with staged PR stunts and photo-ops. Lines are already being trotted out. Ministers will be preparing to sing from the same hymn sheet: "we are all weathering the storm together."

But the only interest will be when to cut and how much spending and borrowing there will be in the battle between Darling Mandy and Brown Balls.

The bogeyman is Glorious St George's Day, April 23, with crucial GDP growth figures out for Q1. Treasury spinners will have poured over the figures gambling on the "good news" of another rigged recovery rather than the risk of the country slipping back into recession depression.

But anyone who thinks the economy will spin itself into a remarkable recovery is living in cloud cuckoo land.

The cat and mouse election call game in the gift of a struggling Supreme Leader is set to continue until Bottling Brown finally has the guts to name the day, the Palace of Westminster becomes a wilderness, politicians are booted out, MPs become mere mortals and Brown's BBC forced to clean up its blatantly biased act.

The country will be run by an unelected prime minister who isn't even an MP. And freshly scrubbed-up Dave will have to be given as much air time as a grisly old has-been. The election campaign proper will be short and not very sweet using every trick in the dirty book.

Electioneering Budget Day brings that day of reckoning just that little bit closer.

Top picture: Peter Brookes, The Times. Bottom picture: Private Eye

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Brown Gets Away With Troop Murder

Fresh calls for Brown to come clean and face the music at the Chilcot whitewash over a woeful lack of troop equipment and kit is set to fall on deaf ears. Brown got away with murder the first time around.

Chilcot has played into the hands of the spinners with no chance of a recall this side of the election.

With a masterstroke of timing, Brown has managed to duck the election bogeyman of a Chilcot grilling over starving forces of funds, despite a damning inquest verdict into the deaths of soldiers in Snatch coffins which happened on his watch.

The 'unlawful killings' verdict on the deaths in 2008 came just a week too late for Brown to be held to account. An appearance this week and he would have been forced into a corner with some harsh questioning.

Instead the canny politician with a dab hand at ducking responsibility was allowed to drone on with denials, reeling off meaningless tractor stats to fudge the facts.

Insisting that no request for new kit had ever been turned down during his time as chancellor or at No 10, flies in the face of contrary evidence from practically everyone expect his band of New Labour cronies.

Chilcot witnesses, including ex-defence secretary, Hoon, have accused the treasury of 'penny-pinching' over the Iraq war. Ex-top MoD civil servant, Tebbit, told how Brown "guillotined" military spending six months after the invasion.

Even the might of The Times and Telegraph making a splash with ex-army chiefs gunning for Brown made no difference. No sooner had he left Chilcot than Brown was facing demands to reappear after his top MoD official, flatly contradicted claims to have always supported troops.

Brown, said Jeffrey, forced the military to make 'cuts' leaving them 'very stretched indeed' because he did not give them enough money.

And to top it all, Brown's appearance came as an inquest into the deaths in a Snatch was hearing how troops believed vehicles were unsuitable but were told to make do.

The coroner at an inquest into the deaths of four soldiers in a blast in Afghanistan made it clear the deaths highlighted the problems of the Snatch Land Rover.

Even back in 2008, The Times was reporting how the military blocked replacing Snatch Land Rovers with safer vehicles because no extra funding for the vehicles was provided by the treasury.

The MoD was left struggling to fund the vehicles from its overstretched budget.

The inquest heard that the soldiers' commander had requested a replacement for their Snatch Land Rover but was refused because of equipment shortages. Soldiers had not been shown how to use metal detectors in the UK because of an equipment shortage.

The coroner's verdict and damning public slating of the funding shortfalls coming just days after the prime minister insisted 'troops had all the equipment they needed'.

But Brown has been allowed to get way with murder in front of his Chilcot stooges, droning on for hours with denials and fudge. And what does he do? Skip off to Afghanistan for a sickening photo-ops and Brown PR stunt.

Hand-picked Chilcot placemen, working to a tight Downing Street remit with plenty of wiggle room. Brown getting away with murder, despite the massed weight of evidence against him. An inquiry about to enter a period of pre-election purdah so there's no chance of a Brown recall this side of the election.

All part of the disgrace of the pre-election plan to prevent the shame of underfunded troops sent to their deaths in the killing fields becoming a hot election issue.

Cameron may have something to say about this at today's PMQs, if Ducking Brown decides to turn up.

UPDATE 1.55pm: Cameron finally showed some fire in his belly rounding on Brown over the inquest verdict and his Chilcot 'evidence' at PMQs. Brown's feeble response was to shout 'Ashcroft'. Pathetic.

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Election Dominated By Bullshit

Fishy push polls with dodgy weightings are dominating the election campaign to push a nobbled narrative and set an audacious agenda after dodgy non-doms were left well and truly flogged. Weary voters are being forced to suffer an endless round of bullshit as the media grasps at straws with the latest twists and turns in the phoney war.

Bankrolling non-doms were so last week after the spin started to bite back at the hand that fed them. Now The Times Populus poll of 'marginals' was enough for headline writers to scramble and hit the decks with a headline that the parties are "neck and neck" in the "crucial seats that will decide the next election."

A headline-grabbing "Tory 10 point lead" would be just as accurate but why let the facts get in the way of a good story and give Cameron a kick up the backside. Opinion polls in the marginals are only as good as the seats polled, the weighting and the size of the sample.

The poll has Labour and Tories both on 38 percent across 100 marginal seats. But Populus’s poll sampled New Labour held Tory targets 50-149. At a stroke, the 50 seats on the Tories' list of top targets with the smallest majorities were excluded.

Riddell’s running commentary is behind the Times but fits in well with a Tory wobbles narrative and sent the spinners all in a tweet: “The poll suggests that recent talk of a Tory “wobble” has affected voters’ expectations.”

But as Wells points out over at UK Polling, what really matters is which marginals the poll covered, with the swing the thing.

Compared with 2005, when the seats had Con 31.4%, Lab 45.3%, the poll represents a swing of about 6.7% to the Tories.

And, as Wells calculates, “the swing this poll suggests in the marginals is the equivalent of a 10 point lead nationally, a larger lead than most polls from other companies have been showing in recent weeks.”

The Orange Party's bullshit barometer was roused when The Sunday Times splashed a commissioned YouGov push poll. "Brown on course to win election" was a wake up call on Dave's big day at Brighton.

No account was made of the dodgy weightings used in the sample, the key marginals battleground or the questionable use of a spurious uniform swing. But the hype fuelled the spin the lamentable leader could make it back to No 10 after all.

Foggy figures and heady headlines with a fishy poll told a Sunday story, which left the money markets waking up in a cold sweat after a night of Brown nightmares.

Spinners are hard at work with a 'hung parliament' narrative which suits all main parties. New Labour losers have false hope that all is not lost. Complacent Conservatives turn into Trembling Tories with a fight on their hands. Lacklustre LibDems are left wondering if Wonderboy Clegg can one day call the shots.

Meanwhile in other news...

The government plans a puppy tax for the nanny state as a sure fire election non-winner. The BBC's Robinson continues to flog the Ashcroft dead horse on his NewLabourlog. Bully-boy Brown's old bruiser Whelan is Uniting his forces behind the struggling Supreme Leader.

And from the department of 'in your dreams', ministers plan to include dirty dogs on an updated sex offenders register to capture the pooch vote.

The bullshit is set to continue until Bottling Brown finally has the guts to name the day, politicians are booted out of Westminster, embedded reporters booted out of Afghanistan, MPs become mere mortals and Brown's BBC forced to clean up its blatantly biased act.

Until then, where the US leads the UK will follow:

Bullshit News: The Onion

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