Stop It Children You're Scaring The Voters

You turn your back for one minute and the naughty children suddenly start their favourite Sunday sport of tearing into each other and tearing the Labour Party apart with another day of bitter in-fighting. While the cat's away the mice will play. Anyone would think they had a general election to lose. 

Why Mandy would want to pick a fight with the Labour Party beggars belief. But there he is, Thatcher in drag, causing a right Royal row, bashing the unions over his hated Royal Mail sell-off in the New Labour-loving Observer. Only it's not just the unions he's bashing or the Labour Party, it's the voters. 

The most despised man in politics just doesn't get it. Voters probably would be quite keen on some kind of Royal Mail restructuring and reinvestment, if it wasn't all Mandy's big idea. 

And all that comes as Harriet 'I'm not after Brown's job' Hardman flogs a dead horse on the BBC, where else, wringing every last ounce out of Fred the Shred's pension pot noodle, thinking she's on to a vote winner. That was so last week. 

With every twist and turn it was clear government ministers had their grubby little paws in the rancid pension pot deal and could have blocked it along with all the other squalid pension deals for their pals in the City. Just put a couple of ferrets down Sir Fred's trousers and leave the poor man alone. 

Bossy boots Harman, it seems, is getting right up Brown's nose and he wants rid.

Meanwhile a rearguard action is being fought over at the Mail with some rat spilling the beans on Brown's favourite trade union lackey, Derek Simpson of Unite (sic), and his lavish lifestyle. 

There's nothing like a fat cat trade union boss scandal to get the blood boiling among the Mail on Sunday readers. And this was nothing like a trade union boss fat cat story. It could have been written anytime about any one of New Labour's cronies. And it probably was. Anyone would think he's got a vote-splitting union election coming up. 

And where's the Supreme Leader while his Party crumbles around his ears? Telling his EU chums "Bold global action, a global grand bargain, is not now just necessary but it is vitally urgent". 

Yup, saving the world from global warming - again. The EU leaders like that sort of thing though. That nasty debt bubble just waiting to burst happened on their watch and Brownspeak gets them off the hook. 

The global leader is pinning his hopes on the last throw of the election dice to woo voters  as he sets out his global credentials to save the world, this time with a new global New Deal for the global recession when he meets the other global leader in Washington this week.  

But Brown is a dead man sleepwalking into Capitol Hill, busy working on his one hundredth draft of that speech to Congress. He doesn't need to bother. Just swing over to Fraser Nelson in the News of the Screws, who's already written the speech for him starting: "Mr President - I screwed up."

And that just about sums up Brown and his fag-end of a government.