Mandy And Brown Come Over All Green

The deluded prime minister and his despised deputy have come over all green, with Mandy getting a dollop of green custard and Brown talking hot air about green jobs for green people. 

Green is the new Brown and Mandy too. But is anyone that green to be take in by this latest green sham? 

Anti-Heathrow protester, Leila Deen, took the business secretary and his minders by surprise as she slimed business secretary Lord Mandleson with a  large helping of ego-friendly green custard, as he arrived at the launch of an eco-friendly low-carbon summit in London. 

"The only thing green about Peter Mandelson is the slime coursing through his veins," she proclaimed, protesting at reports that Mandelson met lobbyists from Heathrow owner BAA before the government gave the controversial go-ahead for a third runway.

Brushing aside the protest and the custard, a slimy Lord Mandelson dismissed the slimy incident, as an "adolescent protest". 

But it could have been much worse than cuddly custard and that does raise questions about the security of a government cabinet minister. 

“It's not right that someone like Peter Mandelson can stand up and talk about being green,” she retorted.

Silly sausage. It may not be right, Ms Green-Deen but in the real world of politics that's what politicians do. Jumping on the eco-bandwagon used to be a sure-fire vote winner. But it does seem the government has not caught up with the times. 

The protest came as the Supreme Green Leader was due to call for an international 'green New Deal', creating 400,000 new green jobs over the next eight years, to boost his green credentials as he scratches around for some green shoots of recovery. 

Now even with the Orange Party's rusty abacus this is a lot of hot air. 400,000 jobs over eight years - that's around 50,000 people a year lagging lofts. A drop in the ocean with 3m unemployed. It's so pointless it's hardly worth mentioning but it does grab a headline or two. 

In eight years time the New Labour project will be a faded twinkle in Mandeson's eye. 

What's needed and what isn't happening, is action now. More hard cash and funding for green projects, along with better regulation rather than empty green gestures and a lot of carbon-friendly hot air. 

Harking back to Obama, Green Gordon reckons more and more countries are already including 'green' measures in their fiscal stimulus packages as a way of creating jobs and growth.

But Obama's fiscal stimulus has already been branded a load of earmarking, pork-barrel waste and not just from disgruntled Republicans.  Nevertheless he has the luxury of years in office and he's riding high in the popularity polls. Brown is a dead duck. 

The last New Deal was a sham, creating useless, meaningless jobs, far removed from the real world and this would be no different. Talking the green talk cuts no ice with voters worried about jobs and making ends meet now. 

Cleanly living on another, much greener planet, Green Gordon delivers the same, tired old mantra: "That's why I want to create a global 'green new deal' that will pave the way for a low-carbon recovery and to help us build tomorrow's green economy today."

If the government wants to create thousands of jobs and tackle fuel poverty, the best way is to invest now in renewables and serious energy efficiency programmes. But that would require a very public investment on a very pubic accounts balance sheet. 

Once again the government is harking back to its failed policies of the boom years as it massages its green ego. 

Regulation, government grants and subsidies and direct government action is the only way forward to 'green' the economy in times of recession depression.

Pictures: Business secretary Lord Mandelson gets slimed (Sky News)