End Of Clown Brown And His Clunking Fist

The commons big top is coming down. The bear pit swept away. Jugglers are out of a job. Even the ringmaster is packing his bags. The end of PMQs and the greatest show on earth - Clown Brown and His Great Clunking Fist.

Today Fag-end Brown had his last chance at the last chance saloon of PMQs and blew it, falling apart at the seams under relentless attack from bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Dave. Even fed-up New Labour frontbenchers looked glum.

The Orange Party will miss the weekly grilling - when Sick-note Brown bothers to turn up all a-stumblin' and a-dodgin'. Today's last commons clash was no exception. Fudging and clunking and lying through his teeth.

Grisly old Brown's great clunking fist up against freshly-scrubbed Dave doing angry so well. Little Cleggy trying to get a look in with a strange camera angle which makes him look so small.

The confrontational slagging-off style at the heart of the country's corrupt democratic institution is not to everyone's taste. Tough. It's built into the commons with benches arranged for opposing armies ready to do battle.

Deceitful Brown is a dab hand at dodging. Ducking and diving, never ever answering a direct question with a direct answer - but that's politicians for you.

The trick is to make yourself sound and look plausible. Time and again Bumbling Brown showed he can't hack it. The public sees through the sham as he falls flat on his face.

But this is politics in the raw. A weekly battle to get your sound bites and clips on to the broadcast news. And the chance for some boring backbench fart to suck up to the boss with a planted question.

The dispatch box battle has brought some memorable TV Highlights of the Years. Bogey Brown, as the cooking-the-books chancellor, picking his nose and getting a smash hit on YouTube. Flash Gordon crashing to the ground with his gaffe to 'save the world'.

But it is the shameful spectacle of Porkie Brown forced to admit that he lied to the public, Chilcot and parliament over defence cuts which sticks in the throat.

Deceitful Brown's ploy of churning out reams of tractor stats to blind the opposition became a joke. Disgraced speaker Martin sucking up to his New Labour cronies was a disgrace. Now Squeaker Bercow climbs up onto the big boys chair to try make himself look important.

Cool Dude Dave came in with guns a-blazin' for the final showdown. The sights were on Porkie Brown's lies over helicopters and defence cuts. Buster Brown's Great Pension Fund Robbery. And Business-bashing Brown's NI 'jobs tax'.

With the Brown corpse stripped of its flesh, one of Cameron's vultures even slipped in a sly dig at Sham Brown moving from 'safe house to safe house' for his election stunts.

For the political Brown sauce counters, the Orange Party reckons it all added up to: Plant count - 4. Ashcroft count - 3. Clunking Fist count - 1. Tractor stats count - off the scale.

But never mind the big boys. The Orange Party reckons it's time to hear from the little party for the little people.

As the struggling Supreme Leader slopes off into the shadows of history, it was Cleggy who delivered the best Brown put down of the day: "You've failed. It's over. Time to go."

That's show business.