Hurry Up Gordon, Weary Voters Can't Wait

Bottling Brown is running out of time, finally forced to find the guts to call it a day. The sham of a phoney war is over, much to the relief of election-weary voters. Soon it will be all over bar the voting. But the election campaign began in earnest well before Dithering Brown blows the whistle tomorrow.

A short and snappy 'formal' election campaign was always part of the cunning plan. It took time to capture the state broadcaster and flood the airways with taxpayer-funded party propaganda dressed up as government information. And drip dodgy spin to a duped media sucked in and taken for a ride.

And with Liability Brown only allowed out of the box for special occasions, it took time to find the 'new face' to sell the tired old brand.

The fag-enders campaign is now in the hands of the original Gang of Four of Mandy, Campbell, Gould - and Blair. Dirty old habits die hard. Up front is Lord Mandy - in your face and all over the place.

But with a long phoney war came more chance of cock-ups. Lies over defence cuts. Lies over migration figures and lies over the rotten state of Borrowing Brown's busted economy. Bound to be caught out sometime.

Time and again Bottling Brown had his chance and blew it, determined to cling on to power until the bitter end. The Orange Party reckons, the chances came every month since famously bottling it in 2007. Even a mere month ago the Tories were wobbling along.

But refusing to budge, with all the arrogance and self-serving importance of a politician convinced of his own rectitude, the general election became an irritant. Now Porkie Brown's legacy is a Party in meltdown.

The election is being called with Dave on his uppers. Tories new-found spring optimism has put a spring in their step. New Labour lurches from one disaster to another. Cool Dave as cool TV guy astride the coolest car? That's what happens when you let loose a couple of schoolboy Milibands.

The rules of engagement will change. Strict broadcasting laws over balance kick in. No one can break wind without an election spin. Parties will be fighting like ferrets in a sack, leaving a mighty turn-off for voters.

But a weary public still has to suffer the sham of Beaming Brown meeting Her Maj, having a cup of tea and a pee and back to the office, just 'getting on with the job'.

Meanwhile the country is set to be in limbo-land, waiting for the House of Shame to dissolve in tears as a whole host of ex-MPs rush off to count their expenses, payoffs and golden goodbyes.

With a few days 'wash-up', the country enters one of its most undemocratic periods. Party bigwigs decide in secret behind closed doors what commons business will happen and what will not without a by your leave.

The country is set to be run by an unelected prime minister who is not even an MP with unelected Lord Mandy both a government minister and the unacceptable face of an unacceptable New Labour Party.

The choice has boiled down to honesty at the heart of the election campaign. Always the best policy. New Labour's credibility has been shot to pieces.

The fag-enders have finally been forced to throw in the towel. The Orange Party would suggest New Labour's only hope to salvage a few seats is to play it straight from now 'til election day - but that's not something that can be said with a straight face.

A miserable end to a disastrous decade of failure, lies and deceit and a spin machine hopelessly out of control.

UPDATE: 10pm The BBC's Nick Robinson confirms Brown will announce tomorrow polling day is on May 6.