End Of Clown Brown And His Clunking Fist

The commons big top is coming down. The bear pit swept away. Jugglers are out of a job. Even the ringmaster is packing his bags. The end of PMQs and the greatest show on earth - Clown Brown and His Great Clunking Fist.

Today Fag-end Brown had his last chance at the last chance saloon of PMQs and blew it, falling apart at the seams under relentless attack from bright-eyed and bushy-tailed Dave. Even fed-up New Labour frontbenchers looked glum.

The Orange Party will miss the weekly grilling - when Sick-note Brown bothers to turn up all a-stumblin' and a-dodgin'. Today's last commons clash was no exception. Fudging and clunking and lying through his teeth.

Grisly old Brown's great clunking fist up against freshly-scrubbed Dave doing angry so well. Little Cleggy trying to get a look in with a strange camera angle which makes him look so small.

The confrontational slagging-off style at the heart of the country's corrupt democratic institution is not to everyone's taste. Tough. It's built into the commons with benches arranged for opposing armies ready to do battle.

Deceitful Brown is a dab hand at dodging. Ducking and diving, never ever answering a direct question with a direct answer - but that's politicians for you.

The trick is to make yourself sound and look plausible. Time and again Bumbling Brown showed he can't hack it. The public sees through the sham as he falls flat on his face.

But this is politics in the raw. A weekly battle to get your sound bites and clips on to the broadcast news. And the chance for some boring backbench fart to suck up to the boss with a planted question.

The dispatch box battle has brought some memorable TV Highlights of the Years. Bogey Brown, as the cooking-the-books chancellor, picking his nose and getting a smash hit on YouTube. Flash Gordon crashing to the ground with his gaffe to 'save the world'.

But it is the shameful spectacle of Porkie Brown forced to admit that he lied to the public, Chilcot and parliament over defence cuts which sticks in the throat.

Deceitful Brown's ploy of churning out reams of tractor stats to blind the opposition became a joke. Disgraced speaker Martin sucking up to his New Labour cronies was a disgrace. Now Squeaker Bercow climbs up onto the big boys chair to try make himself look important.

Cool Dude Dave came in with guns a-blazin' for the final showdown. The sights were on Porkie Brown's lies over helicopters and defence cuts. Buster Brown's Great Pension Fund Robbery. And Business-bashing Brown's NI 'jobs tax'.

With the Brown corpse stripped of its flesh, one of Cameron's vultures even slipped in a sly dig at Sham Brown moving from 'safe house to safe house' for his election stunts.

For the political Brown sauce counters, the Orange Party reckons it all added up to: Plant count - 4. Ashcroft count - 3. Clunking Fist count - 1. Tractor stats count - off the scale.

But never mind the big boys. The Orange Party reckons it's time to hear from the little party for the little people.

As the struggling Supreme Leader slopes off into the shadows of history, it was Cleggy who delivered the best Brown put down of the day: "You've failed. It's over. Time to go."

That's show business.

Read More...

Bottling Brown Finally Calls It A Day

Bottling Brown has finally thrown in the towel and found the guts to call it a day, much to the relief of election-weary voters. A miserable end to a disastrous decade of failure, lies and deceit. Spun as 'everything to play for', the reality is Tories can smell victory. Victori spolia.

The country is set to enter limbo-land with no MPs. Run by an unelected prime minister who is not even an MP with unelected Dark Lord Mandy both a government minister and the unacceptable face of an unacceptable New Labour Party.

It's been a long time coming. Nearly three distinctly odd years since 'the election that never was'. Bottling Brown had his chances and he blew them - time and time again, determined to cling on to power until the bitter end.

In that time Cameron has transformed the Tories from a bunch of no-hopers on a mission impossible to the government in waiting. Now set to try mission impossible and overturn a rigged in-built New Labour majority. In the real world, the election is being called with Dave on his uppers. Tories new-found spring optimism has put a spring in their step.

Meanwhile New Labour has lurched from one disaster to another with cock-ups coming thick and fast. Caught out with lies over defence cuts, lies over migration figures and lies over the rotten state of Borrowing Brown's broken economy.

The phoney war is over and a short and snappy election campaign proper begins. But New Labour's real campaign began months ago as part of the plan to capture and control a compliant state broadcaster, flood the airways with taxpayer-funded party propaganda and drip-feed a duped media with dodgy spin.

Still the spin goes on. Fuelled by a Guardian/ICM poll which "puts the parties at their closest in almost two years". A rogue poll on the very day Brown calls it a day - what a coincidence. Well out of step with other polls out giving a 10% Tory lead. But it suits a media narrative to 'have everything up for grabs and everything to play for'.

The brutal truth is Dithering Brown waited too long and has run out of time. Even a mere month ago the Tories were wobbling along. Now Tories have fired the red button marked attack on the pre-election grid. And with the magic double-digit lead needed for victory now within reach, look set for a slender majority.

The infamous rogue YouGov/Sunday Times push poll with dodgy weightings to spin a 'hung parliament' with Tories and New Labour neck and neck pushed Dave in to action. A much-needed kick up the backside which probably did Tories a favour. Dave is at his best and boldest with his back to the wall.

But now the sham phoney war is over the rules of engagement have changed. No one can break wind without an election spin with carefully stage-managed stunts. Politicians will be fighting like ferrets in a sack and that is a mighty turn-off for voters.

In the few days 'wash-up', before the Queen formally dissolves parliament on April 12, the country enters one of its most undemocratic periods. Party bigwigs begin horse-trading deals behind closed doors over what planned laws will get through and what will not.

Then MPs will be no more, booted out to to fight the fight or count their golden goodbyes. The Palace of Westminster becomes a no-go area for party politicking politicians and SpAds of any colour or flavour. Civil servants will keep a beady eye on any minister who tries to sneak in a bit on the political side with party puffs dressed up as "government information".

Election laws kick in with the broadcast media having to stick to strict impartiality rules, marking the end of Brown's BBC. Robinson will have his toenails clipped. The print media will come out of the closet and nail their colours to the mast. Parties and pundits will scour the media for evidence of blatant bias.

Polls will come thick and fast but should be treated with a pinch of salt. Predicted outcomes based on a misleading uniform national swing (UNS) from a small weighted sample are a sham. It is the battle of the marginals where the election will be fought, won and lost.

In some key seats, the outcome will be decided not on policies or personalities but on whether New Labour has perfected its dodgy postal vote scams.

Mandy is the 'face' fronting the fag-enders campaign to sell the tired old brand. Now in the grip of the Gang of Four of Mandy, Campbell, Gould and Blair. Liability Brown is let out of the box for special occasions. Today a weary public had to suffer Beaming Brown as the media circus descended on Downing Street and on to a sham stump.

Dirty old habits die hard. New Labour will continue to lie through its teeth to pick up a few straggling votes. Tories will fawn over freshly scrubbed Dave's polished performances. A few saddos will stick up for the silly parties.

Honesty and trust are at the heart of the election campaign. The stench of the House of Shame still lingers in the air over Westminster. Brown lies have been exposed. New Labour's credibility has been shot to pieces. The party of failure has finally been forced to throw in the towel. Porkie Brown's legacy is a Party in meltdown.

The Orange Party is living in hope. Dave's 'Tory Blair' government remains vastly preferable to the prospect of either five more years of B'Stard Brown or the chaos of a hung parliament with Windbag Clegg, strutting around trying to look important.

But The Times has got it about right. The election is not about the party you want but about the kind of country you want. And voters will decide that on May 6.

Read More...

Hurry Up Gordon, Weary Voters Can't Wait

Bottling Brown is running out of time, finally forced to find the guts to call it a day. The sham of a phoney war is over, much to the relief of election-weary voters. Soon it will be all over bar the voting. But the election campaign began in earnest well before Dithering Brown blows the whistle tomorrow.

A short and snappy 'formal' election campaign was always part of the cunning plan. It took time to capture the state broadcaster and flood the airways with taxpayer-funded party propaganda dressed up as government information. And drip dodgy spin to a duped media sucked in and taken for a ride.

And with Liability Brown only allowed out of the box for special occasions, it took time to find the 'new face' to sell the tired old brand.

The fag-enders campaign is now in the hands of the original Gang of Four of Mandy, Campbell, Gould - and Blair. Dirty old habits die hard. Up front is Lord Mandy - in your face and all over the place.

But with a long phoney war came more chance of cock-ups. Lies over defence cuts. Lies over migration figures and lies over the rotten state of Borrowing Brown's busted economy. Bound to be caught out sometime.

Time and again Bottling Brown had his chance and blew it, determined to cling on to power until the bitter end. The Orange Party reckons, the chances came every month since famously bottling it in 2007. Even a mere month ago the Tories were wobbling along.

But refusing to budge, with all the arrogance and self-serving importance of a politician convinced of his own rectitude, the general election became an irritant. Now Porkie Brown's legacy is a Party in meltdown.

The election is being called with Dave on his uppers. Tories new-found spring optimism has put a spring in their step. New Labour lurches from one disaster to another. Cool Dave as cool TV guy astride the coolest car? That's what happens when you let loose a couple of schoolboy Milibands.

The rules of engagement will change. Strict broadcasting laws over balance kick in. No one can break wind without an election spin. Parties will be fighting like ferrets in a sack, leaving a mighty turn-off for voters.

But a weary public still has to suffer the sham of Beaming Brown meeting Her Maj, having a cup of tea and a pee and back to the office, just 'getting on with the job'.

Meanwhile the country is set to be in limbo-land, waiting for the House of Shame to dissolve in tears as a whole host of ex-MPs rush off to count their expenses, payoffs and golden goodbyes.

With a few days 'wash-up', the country enters one of its most undemocratic periods. Party bigwigs decide in secret behind closed doors what commons business will happen and what will not without a by your leave.

The country is set to be run by an unelected prime minister who is not even an MP with unelected Lord Mandy both a government minister and the unacceptable face of an unacceptable New Labour Party.

The choice has boiled down to honesty at the heart of the election campaign. Always the best policy. New Labour's credibility has been shot to pieces.

The fag-enders have finally been forced to throw in the towel. The Orange Party would suggest New Labour's only hope to salvage a few seats is to play it straight from now 'til election day - but that's not something that can be said with a straight face.

A miserable end to a disastrous decade of failure, lies and deceit and a spin machine hopelessly out of control.

UPDATE: 10pm The BBC's Nick Robinson confirms Brown will announce tomorrow polling day is on May 6.

Read More...

A Black Day For Brown Balls

Today heralded the dawn of a damning day for the fag-end party of failure. A day of newspaper negatives nobbling New Labour from left, right and centre. The finger of suspicion points to the centre of the storm. A black day for Brown Balls.

The medium is the message and the message is not looking good for the clapped out New Labour brand of spin and deceit. Past failures and lies are coming back to haunt them.

Newspapers shape the TV news bulletins and for the parties media monitoring units, the soundbites and clips are all that matters.

Most negatives can be turned into positives with a bit of the soft shoe spin shuffle but headlines and copy with a damning subtext lingers in the mind.

Shoesmith maybe in the frame again over Baby Peter but it is 'Bully-Boy' Balls who is fingered in The Times and Mail, accused of an "interfering" with a cover-up to "shift the blame" to save his own political skin. Leaning on the independent inquiry to 'sex up' evidence against the Baby P council chief.

Porkie Brown is at it again. This time "misleading" the public over waiving VAT on a Haiti charity single, according to the Independent.

Rebuttals came thick and fast but mud sticks. Defence cuts, migration figures. The finger of suspicion points to Porkie Brown - lying through his teeth.

Mandy is the new 'face' of the fag-enders election campaign - in your face and all over the place.

The Prince of Darkness is falling apart, still attracting rapid fire from business bosses after accusing them of being "deceived" by the Tories over New Labour's NI jobs tax. The Telegraph and Guardian make uneasy bedfellows but both bang the drum for business leaders, not Mandy spin.

A spat with YouGov has the Torygraph claiming the pollster "gives Labour an unfair advantage", sparked off by a distinctly odd poll in the rival Sunday Times. Rigged dodgy polls to suit a political end or just muddled methodology? That doesn't matter. The message in the bottle. YouGov's New Labour supporting president, Kellner, married to Brown's pal Ashton slipped in undercover to the top EU job, is there in the Telegraph copy.

Peter Hoskin at the Spectator puts it all rather well: "I doubt Brown would have chosen such a sickly backdrop to his election announcement next week."

Even the cunning Downing Street plan of a short and snappy formal election campaign cannot save them. The broadcast media's hands may be tied by the election laws of balance and fairness but that doesn't stop a spot story from the "events" diary blowing up in their face and reported with glee.

The Orange Party has said so often - the election is boiling down to honesty and trust. And honesty is the first casualty in the world of Brown sauce, as Jeff Randall notes today in his Telegraph swan song.

The tide may even be turning for Battling Bob Crow. Rigged ballots or a rigged legal blocking move? Cutbacks and rail safety are at the heart of the RMT dispute. A message the old leftie is starting to get across, despite the bullshit from his sworn New Labour enemies.

Tired old New Labour with busted credibility and five more years of a lamentable, lying leader. The Orange Party can sense a wind of change. And not just in the Tories election slogan and new found spring optimism.

Dave's Tories have finally pressed the red button on the pre-election grid marked attack now. And that chimes with an increasingly angry and frustrated public mood, reflected in an increasingly hostile media.

Read More...

Rapid Rebuttals Can Be Pain In The Butt

April 1 has come in with a joke, a splash, a smear and a bang and a rapid rebuttal that backfired. And there's still a few days to go before the election call.

Make one mistake in today's world of fast-paced politics and you fall flat on your face. The US style quick-fire election campaigning is here to stay.

But that doesn't suit some political commentators. Bogged down with the detail, the BBC's Nick Robinson is a case in point, pandering to the current crop of political narratives. But voters don't give a monkeys.

Out in the real world polls show the public is worried about jobs, the debt-ridden economy and the vexed issue of immigration. But all they are getting is spin, fiddled figures and dodgy opinion polls with Kellner's YouGov singled out for attack.

And what will stick in voters minds if anything today is the Grauniad's splendid April 1 spoof campaign ad (top). It makes you laugh. It makes you cry. It makes you think. And it puts paid to the wet brigade's wimp that attack posters don't work.

Today's tit-for-tat 'jobs tax' spat is still doing the rounds, sparked off by a splash in the Torygraph, with 23 big bosses backing Tory NI cuts to protect jobs. All in the time span of one miserable morning. Leading the New Labour attack dog pack is Mandy, fronting the well-honed rapid rebuttal unit and the public face of Party's election campaign.

But with 24 hour rolling news and rapid rebuttal come mistakes. Quick decisions have to be made, on the hoof, sent out by BlackBerry.

There's a rolling news cycle out there just waiting for someone to screw up. Make a wrong call and you're dead meat.

And so it came to pass, with the smear tactic that big bosses were in the pockets of Tories and "deceived" into backing Tory plans. Angry bosses hit back saying such claims were “patronising”. Wrong call Mandy. It's the quality of the attack lines which count, particularly when you attack powerful and influential business leaders.

And why bother with such an attack? Play it down. Tough times need tough decisions from a tough government and all that.

But old dirty tricks die hard. New Labour smears attacked the messenger and scored an own goal.

Masterful Mandy may be second to none when it comes to the acidic put down. But this is Mandy, prince of darkness and viper-in-chief, not some two-bit empty talking suit.

Policies and personalities sure but the election is boiling down to trust and honesty. Something the Orange Party has banged on about time and again.

The statistics watchdog wrapping Porkie Brown's knuckles over misleading immigration figures will linger in voters minds. Why would anyone believe Mandy or Porkie Brown?

Voters won't be taken in or taken for fools on April 1 or any other day. They'll tune in, turn on and turn off. The media class sport of regurgitating the current narratives pushed by whichever party is a real turn off, until a rebuttal goes spectacularly wrong, busting any credibility.

The days of Tories wobbles are over. Sharp suits and sharp lines are the order of the day. Tired old New Labour better get used to it.

The rising star of the government's 'media monitoring unit', director Clarence Mitchell, famous for the Madeline McCann campaign, is now behind the scenes at Tory HQ, after switching sides to give Tory spinners a hand.

All this frenzied action before Bottling Brown has even got round to naming the day and firing the starting gun of a short and snappy election campaign proper. For the Tories, things can only get better.

Read More...

Blair Charities Illegally Fund Election Website?

'Tricky Dicky' Blair has set up a dodgy new electioneering website. All part of CREEP - his Campaign to RE-Elect the Prime minister. The Orange Party thought it would be fun to follow the money.

Is Phoney Blair illegally using funds from his charities, forming part of his complex web of secret companies, as a cover to bang the drum for New Labour?

The complex ownership of washed-up Blair’s new campaign website TonyBlair4Labour.org is shrouded in secrecy, hidden behind sham shell companies. But it seems cash from his charities are funnelled to the very company which runs his campaign website.

And that would break charity commission rules, make the move illegal once the election is called and downright dishonest if, heaven forbid, the Vicar's charities cash is channelled through off-shore tax-havens.

Much of the Blair income including cash from the charities, the 'Tony Blair Africa Governance Initiative' and the 'Tony Blair Faith Foundation' has been channelled through the crafty structure 'Windrush Ventures No 3 Limited Partnership'.

And that exploits a little-known loophole in UK company law at the centre of the scam to keep his finances secret, leading some to describe his financial arrangements as 'Byzantine' and 'opaque'.

And who runs Blair's spanking new website? Step forward the very same Windrush Ventures No.3 LP, according to the website's terms and conditions. You can't keep a slick snake-oil salesman down. The website describes "The Office of Tony Blair" as "a trading name of Windrush Ventures No.3 LP".

But the charities commission states quite clearly: "Charities must not support or oppose a political party or candidate. Charities must not donate funds to political parties."

More so when an election is called and strict election laws kick in. "The guiding principle of charity law in terms of elections is that charities should be, and be seen to be, independent from party politics," warns the commission.

Blair's vast wealth gleaned from a £4.6m book deal and lucrative advising jobs for a US bank and a Swiss insurer is hidden away in commercial consultancy 'Tony Blair Associates' and Blair charities. Earlier this month it emerged Blair had carried out secret South Korea deals leading the Mail to reveal his "secret investment deals in low-tax regimes".

Profit-making schemes involving a dozen different legal entities are at the heart of the Blair Rich Project, handling the unprecedented millions funnelled through a couple of "limited partnerships" - 'Windrush Ventures' and a mirror 'Firerush Ventures' running side by side.

Yet the so-called limited partnership, 'Windrush Ventures No 3 LP' consists on paper of a partnership between an entity owned by Blair himself and an anonymous off-the-shelf company.

The members of Windrush Ventures No.3 limited partnership are BDBCO No.819 Ltd and Windrush Ventures No.2 LLP. But the off-the-shelf company, 'BDBCO No 819 Ltd' does not reveal its ownership on records at Companies House. Instead, its shares are listed as held by a second off-the-shelf entity, 'BDBCO No 822'.

While the law requires Blair to publish limited accounts for parts of the Windrush entities, the finances of the master-partnership remain a secret. But more than £6m of Blair earnings has found its way down from the partnership into other companies.

The Blair Rich Project's complex financial structures using highly specialised limited partnerships and parallel companies were unravelled by accountant Richard Murphy who solved the mystery buried in the small print of the Partnership (Accounts) Regulations 2008, following a Guardian online competition to "shine the brightest light" on Blair's dodgy financial dealings.

Blair, who would normally have to publish company accounts detailing the millions flowing into his various ventures, found a crafty way to keep his wealth secret giving him the benefits of running a UK company but without prying eyes.

But Blair's complex tax dealings has led some to question whether he's paying full UK tax on all overseas earnings and whether some companies are in tax-havens, deliberately keeping client names secret.

A Blair spokesman has insisted the ex-PM was a 'UK resident taxpayer on all of his income'. But details of the full revenues remain hidden. Blair refuses to offer any explanation over why he is using the complex structures described by the Financial Times as "neither tax efficient nor managerially useful".

The sham shell smokescreen gives Blair the cover of an offshore "secrecy jurisdiction" while allowing him to state that he remains a "regular, onshore, British taxpayer", fuelling speculation that Blair might have been thinking of going offshore before his EU president bid was scuppered.

The Orange Party noted on Tuesday it was time a forensic accountant took a fresh look at the legality of phoney Blair's sordid shady tax dealings, asking what has Blair got to hide that he'd go to such extraordinary lengths and cost to keep his tax affairs so secret? Add to that using his charities as an illegal cover for political electioneering.

But with delicious irony it seems New Labour's 'secret weapon' has backfired. Research by PoliticsHome suggests perma-tanned Blair’s intervention in the election may do more harm than good for the fag-end campaign.

Blair wealth graphic: Guardian

Read More...