A little manifesto from the little party for the little people. Trust the LimpDems to come up with a booklet full of bits and bobs. A little fish in a big pond. Bless.
Sixties shlock band The Cleggies have re-released an old single hoping to make it big in the hit parade with a "serious" manifesto voters can "trust". Yeah, sure, whatever.
Where's the vision? At least with Tory and New Labour voters now have a stark choice between 'nanny state knows best' and 'power to the people'.
All the hyped-up hung parliament nonsense has gone to Cocky 'kingmaker' Clegg's head.
The Orange Party noted yesterday how confused weary voters could get a clue on the main parties by looking at the manifesto covers, which reveal a real choice.
New Labour selling false hope and dreams like cornflakes. A Party packaged up like a cereal packet with the nanny state at the heart of the book of dreams.
A massive gamble from the Tories with a stunningly simple but dreadfully dull message from the Dave Party. Gambling on voters to put trust in him with big questions about the "big society" not big government.
LibDems have lots of coloured lines. Kinda sums it up really. And a hotchpotch slogan. Looks like someone was playing around with lots of messages and pressed the print button by mistake.
LimpDems just don't get it. Few people actually vote LibDem out of choice and any sense of tribal loyalty. They vote because they don't know where else to turn as an alternative, without a by-your-leave for what they really stand for.
Bored, angry and frustrated, voters turn to a yellow streak, not because they believe in the cause but out of frustration with the London-based stranglehold of the two main parties in the House of Shame.
But the media class has talked up the LibDems as a major player and the Cleggies are happy to go along with it, bigging up themselves.
LibDems should take a leaf out of the book of other minority parties hoping to break the London-centric Westminster stranglehold. People who feel angry and let down by the same old politics.
Celtic nationalist parties Plaid and SNP have fire in their bellies and leaders who talk with conviction and passion. Parties which chime with a public distaste for the Westminster elite.
Public school-boy Clegg cannot do that. He's part of the Westminster crowd and part of the problem not the solution.
Plaid and the SNP launched their Westminster bids with barley a nod from the London-based media - yet minority Clegg is all over the big media like a rash.
Plaid launched a pan-UK agenda. Scrap trident. Pull troops out Afghanistan. Raise the state pension. Tackle the deficit. Schools, hospitals, jobs and pensioners. Clear bold platforms taking the fight to the traditional enemy - the Labour Party.
Many LibDems wear their hearts on their sleeves and command respect. There's the bearded one - and the other one. But still cannot shake off the image of a parochial party and the issues politics of dog shit and cracked pavements.
The Orange Party believes struggling inside the Limps is a real party struggling to get out. But with Euroboy Clegg they blew it. Now even smug Saint Vince's halo is beginning to slip.
Windbag Clegg is not given house room by the main party leaders. Cameron ignores him. Brown gives him a condescending look of distain.
But the broadcast media is bound to big up Clegg's big day after investing everything in a 'prime ministerial debate'. But Clegg doesn't stand a cat in hell's chance of becoming 'prime minister' and LimpDems are on the road to nowhere with Calamity Clegg and his potty policies in charge.
Smug LibDems want to be a big fish in a little pond. But voters turning their backs on the two main Westminster parties have plenty of parties and independents from which to chose.
Wishy-washy Limps are left swimming around like little fishes in a big pond, picking on the scraps from other parties which take their fancy in the hope of picking off a few straggling voters.
Top picture: Private Eye
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