'Underdogs' Toothless Biteback

The fightback to paint New Labour and its lamentable leader as underdogs is well underway. In the dark, dodgy world of dirty tricks, it's difficult to separate truth from fiction, leaving only a cynical synopsis of the scenarios.

A fag-end government with a doomed dead man walking has nothing left but a worn-out comfort blanket. The 'underdogs' against the nasty Tories. Politics played out as soap opera with a rerun of the old class of '97.

New Labour has lost it. Get over it. No one in their right mind buys into the conference hype. The mood at Brighton on the Rocks is dire, despite magical Mandy's sprinkling of panto fairy dust to lift the unfaithful out of the depths of despair.

New Labour's election strategy is a fightback sure, but not as we know it. Portraying Liability Brown and the Party as underdogs has been a long term strategy. Now it's time for unelected and unaccountable Mandy to put theory into practice.

A new opinion poll shows New Labour slumping third behind LibDems, down in the doldrums for the first time since 1982. Things can only get better?

Bloomberg has revealed an election timetable set up for May 6, with a “General Election Handbook Part 1,” issued to candidates and campaign chiefs. That date's likely but isn't set in stone. Events have a nasty habit of getting in the way.

What is kicking around but under wraps is a short term strategy for a snap election. Ominously that “Short Campaign Book” has not been published.

Ministers and hangers-on are now totally obsessed about that election and in total denial about the inevitable outcome, scurrying around, feathering their nests as the rats desert the sinking ship, when they should be out there doing what they're paid to do - 'govern'.

That leaves underworld spinners and attack dogs to fight the corner for the 'underdogs' from the undergrowth, with Battered Brown the Unique Selling Point.

Dreaming up rehashed policy promises they won't have to keep for the down-trodden masses, leaves the promise of a Party for the underdogs by the underdogs. Not like them Tory Toffs. Neat trick, eh?

Was Marr's pill popping question to Beleaguered Brown such an outrageous affront as Mandy and Big Al would have us believe? Or was it all part of that underdog fightback?

The Sunday spectacle was branded an "extreme right-wing" conspiracy putting the frighteners up everyone. Yet the guy who made the original allegation is an historian and a bit of a green liberal.

But it does leave it wide open for Marr to grill Cameron on his alleged drugs old history. What Tory sleaze stories Mandy has in this back pocket, to capture the 'narrative' and the media, Dark Lord only knows.

On health grounds, Beaten Brown has the ideal 'get out of jail free card' and can slip off into oblivion anytime to save the world.

Much to the relief of the Party and fed-up voters, that may even earn a few Brownie points in the polls.

On the day of yet another of Boring Brown's big fightback speeches - up pops a strange story that he's the victim of hate mail - a nasty little attack targeted by a poison pen letter writer which makes you feel sorry for him. Well almost.

This will be a 'fightback' speech to save Battered Brown's skin, not a speech for voters. The deluded leader is an underdog but also a dead dog. No amount of spinning will turn him around.

With steely Sarah to guide him on stage, the scene is set for a last-ditch speech to wearing, despairing delegates, cameras and sound-bites.

What is missing from the jigsaw is the one who can take over the helm. So who is being groomed to step into his shoes?

Up to the mark steps political underdog, Ed Miliband - better looking than banana boy David, a solid background at the treasury, now co-ordinating the campaign. Wet and wet behind the ears but clean of the expenses scandal, with Mandy behind him, that boy will go far. The question is when and how.

Cameron's conservatives are romping along nicely but still have a lot of romping to do before they romp home. With the Irish likely to bullied and blackmailed into a 'yes' vote as the Tory conference kicks in, Cameron has his own cross to bare.

Dave will have to come out of the closet sometime about his promise of an EU referendum. A gift for New Labour.

The heir-to-Blair can walk the walk and talk the talk. But time for talking and promising all things to all men is drawing to a close. The Tories old wound of Europe could be opened up with a little help from his 'friends'.

You've got to hand it to Mandy. He's The Master. Underdogs, sure but this is more about the future of his pet 'social democrat' project cooked up by the Gang of Four now falling apart around his ears. He's up for a fight - but will he again drag what used to be a Labour Party down with him?