PMQs: TV Highlight Of The Week

It's that time of the week again when Headcases meets Big Brother in 'da House. Prime Minister's Questions (PMQs) are a great chance for MPs to say, 'Look mum, I'm on the telly'. 

But the TV schedulers should find a better slot for it. It's hard work finding it on normal TV. 

It should be broadcast on the mainstream TV channels. After all, it only lasts for 10 minutes or so but it would need a good commentary. Harry Hill would be perfect. 

And it would be a great chance to let off steam at lunchtime. A chance to shout at the telly. A great lunchtime stress-buster.

Today's TV highlights? 

Will David Davis be allowed to speak this time and what will he say? If he does, will it be from the front bench, back bench or the corridor?

How long before Brown's clunking claw comes crashing down on the table? How long before he starts st-st-st-stammering? 

How clean and well scrubbed-up is Cameron looking today? And how small is Clegg getting? It may be the position of the fixed overhead TV cameras but he could still do with a little box to stand on. 

And there's always the chance to play politics. Who's placed next to Brown on the front bench and who is perched perilously on the edge? And who the hell are they?

But if you are still bored, there's 'Spot The Deliberately Scripted Soundbite' and which will make it on the evening TV news.

And then there's the 'plants'. Those New Labour cronies deliberately placed to ask self-congratulatory questions about tractor production figures. Last week someone even asked a planted question about bone-marrow transplants. A plant about transplants. Priceless. 

Mr Speaker is in a working class of his own. The plants are also used by the Speaker to defuse a heated debate, with New Labour even resorting to using women, yes women, so there's no flak from the courteous opposition. 

And there's the government's other device, the cries of 'Order' from the Speaker. It even floored the accomplished TV star Michael Howard last week and hindered his delivery of what was probably the best speech of the day.

But to really take-off, it all needs a snappier title - 'Stars In Their Eyes'? And for a House of Lords version, 'The Price Is Right'.