New Term Starts At St. Sleaze

Naughty ex-head girl 'Iffy' Smiffy gets away with a ticking off. Whipping boy Green's left bruised after an unfair beating. Cheeky school chums are moaning about pocket money. A new term starts at St. Sleaze.

After the long summer break it's time to get down to more monkey business.

Disgraced two homes secretary Smith is being forced to make a humiliating commons apology over her dodgy second homes scam.

The disposable home secretary is taking the fall as the commons 'sleaze' watchdog, Lyons, lays down the law, with Smith "clearly wrong" to claim that her sister's home was her main residence. Smith now faces the indignity of being ordered to apologise to the commons after breaking house rules on second home expenses.

But Shameless Smiffy gets to keep the cash. Toothless Lyons is taking no further action on one of the untouchable political elite, despite finding a stash of hubby's taxpayer porn in her locker.

The Greengate scandal has been shown up as a dirty tricks disgrace after Green's gaff was turned over and nothing was found but an opposition MP doing his job.

The heavy-handed raid on Damian Green has been blasted as way "over the top" and his arrest "not proportionate". But all part of a home office witch-hunt, presided over by, er, Jacqui Smith.

Green's arrest in the sanctity of parliament was a dark day for democracy. Whipped up as a threat to national security, it was nothing more than "embarrassment matters for the government", ruled investigating police chiefs.

Meanwhile Legg's expenses letters to MPs are causing quite a stir with government expenses spinner-in-chief, Stuart 'ring my' Bell, doing the rounds, batting for Westminster, leaving some MPs trying to get one over on Legg.

Retiring headmaster, Mr 'had his' Chips, is busy writing out his expenses payback cheque, while giving his Euro minister, Greedy Glenys, the boot.

Nothing much changes at St. Sleaze.