Shlock Band 'Cleggies' Spin Worn Out Record

Clapped-out shlock band, the Cleggies, have re-released an old single in a forlorn fight-back. Leader, Nasty Nick, hopes Pot Calls The Kettle Black will top the political hit parade. But it's set to fall on deaf ears.

With their usual abysmal lack of timing and tact, the little Party for the little people has finally woken up, smelt the Fairtrade coffee and realised a general election is just around the corner.

But instead of rounding on the shameful sham of a government who got the country into a mess, Libby leader Nasty Nick has accused Delectable Dave of being a ‘conman’ who will say anything to win the next election. Well knock me down with a wet Liberal Weekly.

Calamitous Clegg has come out of the closet flaunting his Social Democrat New Labour credentials. In a speech heavily trailed in advance, he has chosen to brush aside Borrowing Brown and turn on "Conman Cameron" and the Conservatives who will "promise whatever they think it takes to get elected".

Er, isn't that what politicians do to try to win votes? Saying something is better than just aimlessly a-huffin' and a-puffin' your way along.

Name calling is a big turn off for voters. Alliteration to capture soundbites and headlines is a cheap stunt. Conman Cameron? That's a bit rich coming from the Party who plumbed the depths for a telegenic Blair lookalike.

Sure cuddly Cameron comes with a Blair health warning. He talks the talk, walks the walk. Mr Ambition may be all things to all men, the heir to Blair. But judging by opinion polls, voters are warming to him. Just pray he doesn't turn into a post election 'straight kinda guy'.

All things to all men? Isn't that the name of the Clegg-Cable double act?

LibDems have a leader waiting in the wings, in the shape of seer Saint Vince consistently riding high in the popularity stakes. Clearly Clegg doesn't like riding on the back of Saint Vince. It's time the men and women in grey sandals came for the walking disaster that is Clegg. He's a bigger liability than bunkered, bumbling, borrowing Brown.

The country's on its knees, run by a desperate bunch of has-beens and unelected hangers on, limping along in a dying government.

Only last year Clegg announced a sensible strategy to target resources on 50 New Labour seats in the general election. Now confusingly forming an 'anti-Tory attack unit' smacks of LibDem desperation. Could Clegg ever bring himself to get into bed with a 'conman' in a hung parliament?

The election phoney war is now a battle of the 'savage cuts'. This should be the time for radical, constructive, not destructive, words from the little Party leader.

Smearing New Labour henchmen tried it on with the 'Tory Toffs' line and it back-fired. Why should Clegg think his tactic will fair any better? Voters have more sense than to listen to cobbled together cobblers.

In election after recent by-election, LibDems are going nowhere. There's no reason to suppose things will get any better at the general election with the Nowhere Man in charge.

Clegg was elected as a Blair type. All style and no substance. Big mistake. No one understands or cares what he's talking about. His confusing and disgraceful support over the undemocratic farce that is the new EU Constitution/Treaty didn't win him any friends. No one listens to Euro-boy Clegg, except his fan-club in the BBC and the Guardianistas.

New Labour must be loving' it. Liberals are Labour's traditional enemy, not the Tories. Labour stalwarts reserve a particular distaste for 'Liberals' usually spat out between gritted teeth.

Just where is Clegg coming from? In the muddled, confused world of LibDem politics, the answer is as clear as mud.

He has all the hallmarks of the New Labour Political Class and EU Political Elite. From prep-school to public school then Cambridge, reading Mickey Mouse archaeology and anthropology for the 'nice but dim', then a political career in the EU. Nicholas William Peter Clegg, like many of the new breed of political elite shortens to the 'call me Tony' moniker.

The LibDems are going nowhere in the opinion polls but have only themselves to blame. Instead of coming over all radical, they chose a New Labour clone with a daft haircut who looks OK on telly but bores the pants off voters.

The LibDems made their Cleggy bed and they'll have to sleep in it with a windbag leader taking the Party to new depths at the next election.

Conman Cameron? How Numbskull Nick must wish he could pull off that one. The Orange Party can't help thinking there's a little bit of sour grapes in that shlock jock's jibes.