Punters can pop down to the shops and hand over their precious identity at £60 a pop in a harebrained scheme by the disposable homes secretary fighting a rearguard action over despised ID cards. For the second day on a trot, the two homes secretary is all over the media like a rash, rolling out the £5 billion pounds wasteful white elephant in Manchester in a toxic mix of coercion and Big Sister knows best.
What have the good people of Greater Manchester ever done to deserve such a fate? The Orange Party smells a rat and wonders where the stench is coming from.
Fighting for her political future or just the fall-guy for deluded Brown's half-baked scheme? Probably a mixture of both.
In a criminal act of lunacy, Smith reckons people will be queuing up to give their fingerprints and a face scan at the local post office and pharmacy while "out doing the shopping". Charging £60 for the privilege of having your identity disappear down an IT black-hole.
So much for a squeeze on public spending. Given the bleak state of the economy any sane person would think scrapping ID cards just makes sense.
But what do you expect with a bunch of morons in charge. If there was ever a silly scheme which highlighted New Labour's wasteful years and the sinister surveillance of Big Brother society, ID cards take the biscuit.
But it's a case of better get in quick and make it damn difficult to scrap. Both Tories and LibDems have united to condemn Smith's costly and unnecessary folly, calling for the £5 billion farce to be scrapped, joined by sane back-bench Labour MPs and former home secretary David Blunkett.
To scrap a disliked, discredited and distasteful white elephant now would expose the failure of a decade of deceit and force arrogant ministers to finally admit maybe the economy isn't all that well placed to weather the recession depression.
Add to that the difficulty of prising out the slick IT cronies now with their feet firmly under the cushy home office table and it's a case of Carry On Regardless Down The Kazi.
ID cards for UK citizens are totally voluntary of course. Just tell that to air-side workers at Manchester airport where pilots need a security pass to get on the right side of the tarmac - but need an ID card to get the pass. Pilots unions say their members are effectively being forced into signing up for the cards.
Trailing national ID cards in one city is nonsense. Abandon this farcical folly, scrap the whole thing, save the country a fortune and salvage some scrap of civil liberties.
The Orange Party has always wondered how Jackboot Jacqui suddenly popped up out of the blue to be given the poisoned chalice of the home office. But showing off only her slim majority with no chance of holding onto her seat, she's ideally placed to do Brown and Balls dirty work without fear she could upstage the dynamic duo.
Second homes expenses fiddles, hubby's penchant for taxpayer porn, G20 police thugs and Gestapo tactics to stick the boot into Her Majesty's opposition, who'd want to be home secretary?
The hapless home secretary has probably only got a month left in the job before Jackboot Jacqui is booted out by Brown and his side-kick Balls shoehorned into her place. Best to get those nasty ID cards up and running and out of the way before 'smearing' Balls is handed the reins for an easier ride.