Hain Gets Perma-Canned

Perma-tanned Hain, has been slammed by commons watchdogs for "serious and substantial" failures in not registering donations. The former 'Liberal' turned cabinet minister is set make a grovelling apology to the House.

Hain was cleared last month by police over the late declaration of £103,000 of donations to his deputy leadership bid, sending some into a tizz, speculating on his return to government.

Now Hain has been rapped by the commons standards and privileges committee who said the scale of the rule breach caused "justified public concern".

Hain has always said he made honest mistakes. But the Orange Party was totally perplexed by the whole affair. How on earth can anyone make a mistake with over £100,000 of donations?

The commons ruling also throws into the spotlight once again the mysterious 'think tank', the Progressive Policies Forum, used to channel more than £50,000 to the Hain campaign.

Despite all the cash, Hain only managed to come a weedy fifth out of six in New Labour's 2007 deputy leader contest and initially declared £77,000 in donations. Many asked then what did he spend all that money on?

Hain got caught up in the flack of the whole sordid mess of the Abraham's affair when it emerged the property developer, who no-one at the top of the Party admitted knowing, had donated more than £650,000 to the Party using other people's names.

Although none of Hain's donations were from Abrahams, the Party was not going to let him get away with it, when commons leader, Harriet Harman, had to pay back a £5,000 donation to her own campaign, after discovering it had come from one of Abrahams' associates.

Hain eventually resigned from his cabinet post in January saying he had made "an innocent mistake". The liberal media had a field day when Hain was cleared after a police investigation, with many wetting themselves with speculation that he may even be given a job in Brown's cabinet.

What fools they are. Most Labour MPs thought Brown was off his trolley bringing Hain into the cabinet in the first place.

The Orange Party too has a soft spot for Peter, from his days getting arrested for noble anti apartheid demos and being stitched up for a bank robbery. But that was then this is now.

For the Labour Party, Hain was and always will be - a Liberal - and many Labour MPs will be glad to see the back of him.

Meanwhile Hain will have to top up his perma-tan and face MPs with a commons apology before he sinks into oblivion, with only memories of the days before he cut his hair and tried desperately to join the political elite.

UPATE: You wait for one bus then two come along at once. Jack Straw has been found by the commons watchdog of a "clear, albeit inadvertent, breach" of the rules in not registering a donation for a dinner to mark 25 years as an MP. The watchdog kindly released the Hain judgement first - to take the heat and spotlight off Straw.

Picture: Those were the days! 1969 - Hain is carted off by those fascist pigs in Downing Street in anti-apartheid demos which led to the cancellation of a tour by the South African cricket team.