Saturday, April 24, 2010

Elvis Meets PM Impersonator

Teddy Bear Brown has revealed his Good Luck Charm in an election stunt at the Heartbreak Hotel. But Hound Dog Brown will be Lonesome Tonight, Poor Boy. The Orange Party is All Shook Up.

You can't keep the old tucker down. Big Al has been spinning and bigging this one up all day. Elvis is alive and well and living In The Ghetto of New Labour.

It's Now or Never as Bunkered Brown is let out of the box to fight the yellow peril and the Blue Suede Shoes. A last ditch plea to Love Me Tender. Mandy spin is Always On My Mind.

The result? Two dead men walking. Sky News is having a field day with the 'King of Election Stunts'. A gift for the tabloids and headline writers perhaps. But strange. Very strange. Return To Sender.


Brown Let Loose As Mandy Plan Backfires

The struggling Supreme Leader is to put himself round a bit more as the penny finally drops for the party of failure. Mandy spin was so last week. Now flagging New Labour is being forced to get to grips with the yellow peril threatening to split the dinosaur party as the fag-enders face extinction.

Election fever isn't gripping the nations but election spin is in overdrive. But the current frantic spinning around isn't about the future of one hit wonder Clegg but a civil war battle in the Labour Party between the Broonites and Mandy's Blairite dream of an ever-lasting New Labour project.

Out with the old "I agree with Nick". In with "Get real Nick", as Mandy is banished from the debate spin-room and Boogie Brown goes "up tempo" to pick up a few straggling voters. The change of tack reveals the change in strategy as New Labour jockeys for position in what was always a two horse race.

Talk of 'a three horse race', whipped up by the likes of the BBC's Robinson in an outrageous post-debate post, was a nonstarter. Even in the wildest dreams of naive fools, New Labour's rigged electoral advantage means the LibDems, with 63 seats, could never pull off mission impossible.

After being happy to go along with the hype of La-La Land, harsh reality is kicking in. The old Labour guard in the shape of Two Pies Prescott has waddled in bellowing the bleedin' obvious - this is a two-horse race. A fight to the death with the Tories.

Even the Guardian's Polly Tonybee has seen the light of day, urging Guardianista's to vote with their head not with their hearts - and give themselves a headache. Vote for Gordon, not Nick to stop Dave getting in.

The Orange Party had noted before how the election strategy was for Bunkered Brown to be let out of the box for special occasions. Sham, stage-managed set-pieces for TV News bulletins where real people played second fiddle to soundbites.

But Brown had been left grinning while Mandy was spinning his own web of post-election deceit, pinning his hopes on a New Labour dream. Clegg had been Mandy's secret weapon to push a hung parliament, giving Brown the boot and the Labour Party the elbow. The classic Campbell and mischievous Mandy double act had been working a treat.

Clegg was a pawn to be played in post-election posturing. Spin the hung parliament narrative with the dream ticket of a flabby Libby-Labby pact, where Labour tribalist Brown would be cast off like an old boot.

A European-style coalition would leavie Mandy pulling the strings with a Boney Blair dream of a New Labour order backed up by Euro-boy Clegg.

Banana-boy Miliband would be handed the PM reigns. Unelected Mandy at home with foreign affairs and his lifelong ambition to hold a great office of state. Calling the shots with a hot-line to Phoney Blair.

Now Mandy has gone rather quiet on the spinning front since declaring Wonderboy Clegg a figure "to be taken seriously", paving the way for son of New Labour.

The Orange Party has warned before The Mandy Plan was a risky election strategy. Lurking behind the scenes in the original gang of four of Blair, Campbell and Mandy is sharp pollster Gould, fearing a wipe-out. A wipe-out which now leaves New Labour pinning all hope on a repackaged touchy-feely Brown.

Only a seismic wave of hype is keeping Little Nick with his novelty act bouncing along on the Cleggmania bandwagon. Calamity Clegg bigged up to take the heat off Liability Brown was a recipe for disaster.

The joker in the pack is being been unmasked as a one-trick pony propped up by Saint Vince's slipping halo and Mandy's plan for ever-lasting New Labour. Craftily reborn as a sham rebel with a cause, up against the establishment. Clegg is part of the Westminster elite. A class act shamelessly exploiting the public mood.

'Labour' in bed with sworn enemies the 'Liberals' was never on the cards. But LibDems having a romp with New Labour is a different, dangerous kettle of fish. Another New Labour sandwich of all style and no substance.

Now the cunning plan could backfire as confused voters dump the lamentable leader and discredited LibDems, leaving both parties down in the dumps and down in the polls.

And as the race enters the final furlong, strategists believe that would leave the Dave Party set for imperial glory - victori spolia. To the victor of course go the spoils.

Top picture: Private Eye. Bottom picture: Peter Brookes, The Times.


Friday, April 23, 2010

Bleak Week Ends With Weak Growth

Borrowing Brown's prayers for an economic election growth miracle were dealt a bitter blow today with weak GDP figures showing a busted economy struggling to beat recession depression blues. The financial storm of a Greek tragedy is waiting in the wings on the back of today's dire debt warning from basket-case Greece.

The last roll of the election dice was bad news for spinners hoping for some crumb of comfort from today's ONS figures after a week of dismal news on the economic front.

Soaring unemployment rising to record 2.5m highs. Inflation rate rises hitting 3.4% and hitting the pocket. The dire economy "to stay in the doldrums". A country down at the heels and down in the dumps.

Now the bogeyman of GDP growth for the first quarter of 2010 struggled to reach an anaemic 0.2 percent. A bitter blow for a bleak Brown world in the final fortnight of the election race.

But the UK economy continued to "recover" from recession in the first three months of the year, according to some in La-La Land. Er, GDP grew by a piddling 0.2% between January and March, according to ONS figures out today. Weaker than the 0.4% growth predicted by some economic gurus. The figures may be revised - but not until after election day.

Roughly translated that means voters can kiss goodbye to any good times and kiss goodbye to hopes on the jobs front - with public sector cutbacks on the cards from whichever party struggles to hold the reigns of power.

Voters have a right to hear something from the illustrious leaders and wannabe chancellors about how they would tackle unemployment, price rises, the debt burden and the economic mess.

Instead honest reality checks are playing second fiddle to political positioning for post-election power as the parties trade blows with set-piece arguments.

Joker in the pack, Clegg, cannot now rely even on Saint Vince with his slipped halo to save the day. Honest Osborne is busy pulling election strings and Dreadful Darling has already packed his bags with a one way ticket out of the Treasury.

A weary and increasingly nervous public and twitchy money markets will have to wait a fortnight for an economic miracle or the chaos of a badly hung parliament.

The Orange Party has noted before with disbelief how projected fantasy 'growth' fixes the economic policies of the party of failure as an excuse for ducking out of cutting the deficit and dealing with a mountain of debt.

Brown spin with fantasy growth is a deceitful dodge. Without that mysterious 'growth' spin, the Brown sauce economy grinds to a halt.

Any bounce from last night's sham 'leaders' debate has brought the struggling Supreme Leader back down to earth with a miserable end to the week and more miserable news on the economic front.

Today bust basket-case Greece had to plead with a begging bowl for an EU/IMF debt bail-out to help pull the economy out of its mess. Credit rating agency Moody's cut its rating on Greek debt, hard on the heels of figures which showed a budget deficit of 13.6% of GDP.

Is the UK heading for a Greek tragedy? The wretched economy isn't so different but voters will have to wait another fortnight before harsh reality kicks in.


Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dashing Dave, Great Gordon, Naff Nick

"Get real Nick," blasted Brown and for once Cameron agreed. A week is a long time in politics and what a difference a week makes. Naff Nick's nag stumbled and fumbled along, Great Gordon had been taken out of the knackers yard for a final spirited sprint and Dashing Dave took it all in his stride.

Bumbling his way through the second TV 'leaders' debate, Clegg made a mockery of the debate title, managed to make Gordon look good and make Dave's day.

But the old tuckers were working the crowds in a crowded spin room trying to brow beat the media munchkins to big it up for their man.

Voters, viewers? The debate was on Sky, so viewers would have to miss Corrie to watch it all. Much wlll depend on the reams of reaction which is bound to be spewed out as reports on the debate on the debate rumble on from a Big Media which has already made up its mind.

The Orange Party was watching a different debate from last week but a debate which still saw three Westminster parties slog it out in what appeared at times like a cosy stitch-up.

The clash was supposed to focus on foreign affairs but the major battlegrounds of Afghanistan, Trident and Europe were brushed under the carpet and given only a scant outing as the Celtic nationalists and single issue parties were left out in the cold.

Ex-eurocrat Clegg predictably backed the EU superstate. All three backed keeping troops fighting a hopeless Afghan war. Scrap Trident? Er, nope. Not even Nick.

But gone was the Mandy manipulated Gordon "I agree with Nick" slapstick comedy routine and in came a revitalised Labour tribalist telling that 'Liberal' Clegg to get real. Dave's agreement brought a laugh from the audience, now aired in this second debate. Brown was on a roll and lovin' it.

Dave was comfortable at home with foreign affairs in a foreign office sort of way. Defence of the realm, the national interest comes first - the rest is the way of the world. Back home on the playing fields of Eton, sounding and looking every inch the statesman.

Foreign affairs was never Gordon's strong point - more used to being stuck at home in the kitchen cooking the books. But managing to sound convincing resorting to well-rehearsed rhetoric trotted out from a script.

An 'off the cuff' pre-planned put down line to the two other "bickering" party 'leaders' read out from a pre-written script stuck out like a sore thumb.

Clegg and his novelty act always had a lot to live up to with all the Cleggmania and media hype but then so did Dave in the first round. The difference is what marks out a leader and Clegg fell flat on his face.

The knives were out for Clegg with his dodgy dealings and shameless past splashed across the tabloids and the Telegraph. But a question from Sky's Adam Boulton aimed to put the party leader on the spot was dealt with poorly by Clegg with an arrogant slap down, exposing the off-hand manner of a smug two-bit politician.

Cutaways and reaction shots from the audience meant to liven up the second debate became a dangerous toy to be played with in the gallery. A cutaway to a sweet young thing smiling sweetly and nodding at Clegg reeked of biased editing.

Lessons had been learnt. Clegg tried to sound tough on immigration but fell at the first fence over an amnesty. Round one saw Clegg put himself up as Mr Clean. It was left to Dave to deliver the put down - no-one should be put themselves on a pedestal, not least Clegg.

The stakes had been high. The little fish in a big pond had been bigged up to take the heat off dismal Brown's first debate disaster. The question now is would voters trust Clegg to call the shots holding the balance of power? Is this unknown who has shot to stardom really prime ministerial material?

Overall, the limp LibDem leader turned in a lacklustre performance putting the brakes on the Clegg bandwagon. Tired Brown came alive at times and can expect to turn into Bouncy Brown. Calm Cameron turned in the kind of prime ministerial performance that could begin to turn things round for him. All in a tabloid sort of way.

But then the winners and losers of the second debate were always going to be fought over on the broadcast news bulletins and above the fold on newspaper front pages - not from voters watching the TV talent show.


Clegg Attack!

The knives are out for Two-faced Clegg and his potty party as the windbag leader of the little party for little people limbers up for a limp performance in tonight's TV debate. Adjectival reporting which suits the style of a blistering Clegg Attack in today's tabloids. Down and dirty politics in the raw but something to liven up a boring election campaign.

The Orange Party reckons it was about time for some SAS-style politics. If you are under fire - go on the attack with guns blazing - don't bury yourself in a safe-hole.

Smug Clegg put himself on the pedestal, the public didn't do that for him. They were taken in by all the Big Media hype of Little Nick's talent show.

And the media played its part in beefing up Calamity Clegg's novelty act and delivering a soap star superstar to the nations.

Now the searing sunlight of scrutiny is being shone on Wonderboy Clegg. Exactly the same relentless attacks on personality and policy both Cameron and Brown have had to face week after week after week.

The same scrutiny that has exposed Saint Vince's slipping halo revealing a waffling charlatan in the TV would-be-chancellor debate.

Now Two-faced Clegg's dodgy dealings and shameless past is starting to catch up with him. In the Mail, Express, Sun and Metro. But it is the Telegraph which knocks Clumsy Clegg off his pedestal revealing political donations paid into his private bank account in 2006, before he became leader.

Dishonest at worst, a fool at best. Whatever side of the political fence wavering voters are starting to sit on, mud sticks.

Fudge and waffle on major issues such as the economy, immigration, Trident and the EU leaves voters confused. Would voters trust this guy to call the shots holding the balance of power? Is this unknown who has shot to stardom really PM material?

The Orange Party believes this isn't about the future of the one hit wonder but Mandy's dream of an ever-lasting New Labour project.

A dream-ticket of a Clegg-Mandy alliance where Labour tribalist Brown would be kicked off a coalition like an old boot hissing 'Liberal' between gritted teeth. Paving the way for son of New Labour with Mandy and the Blairites pulling the strings and calling the shots.

The stakes are high. The little fish in a big pond was bigged up to take the heat off dismal Brown but the cunning plan could backfire as voters see through the sham and the Clegg star starts to wain.

The Mandy Plan with the chaos of a badly-hung parliament is a risky election strategy. The struggling Supreme Leader and the discredited Liberals could be left down in the dumps and down in the polls, leaving Tories to romp home - and to the victor goes the spoils.

Smug Clegg’s cynical claim of "a new honesty and decency" had a hollow ring from a leader who is part of the Westminster elite and a party which changes tack at the drop of a hat to con a few straggling voters.

Revealing "the nasty tricks of the real nasty party", Oborne in the Mail, blasts the leader of "a profoundly dishonest party that is prepared to lie, cheat and on occasion issue outrageous smears on its opponents in order to win power." Milking MPs' expenses to fund party propaganda, according to the Spectator.

Windbag Clegg always had a lot to live up to after all the Cleggmania and media hype. Now Euroboy Clegg has been shown up as a windbag politician, incapable of expressing complex arguments and issues with any clarity.

No wonder Wonderboy is falling flat on his face with "Clegg on his face", as the Sun sweetly puts it. Floundering on detail, fudging on issues and making a fool of himself and viewers who've been sucked in by the spin.

And this from Calamity Clegg who was stupid enough to leave his secret election debate plans in the back of a cab.

UPDATE 2.25pm: Mandy's cage has been rattled condemning "disgusting", "cheap and rather squalid" attacks on Clegg, accusing the 'Tory' press of "smears" and "dirty tricks". Mandy defending Clegg and the old tin-pot trouper calling kettles black. Whose side is he really on?

Tabloid round-up: Politicalbetting


Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Dole Queues Leave Labour Down In Dumps

Dire dole queues, the economy in the doldrums and New Labour down in the polls and down in the dumps. A fitting end to a fag-end government's 13 years of failure. But a miserable end to a disastrous decade of Borrowing Brown's busted economy with a country on its last legs. Voters have a choice - someone who'll fix it or fudge it.

Unemployment rises to 2.5m. Inflation rate rises to 3.4%. The economy "to stay in the doldrums". A bitter blow for a bleak Brown world in the final fortnight of the election race.

The Orange Party has never been one to fan the flames of false optimism or mince words. The country's in a mess. Voters in not-so-merry England face a choice between Twiddledumb, Tweedledave, Tweedledem - or a silly party.

A hyped Cleggmania horse has been flogged to death. Time to return to the real world with a bump. Economic misery. The shambles of a disastrous decade topped off with dire dole queues. No wonder the fag-enders are down in the polls and down in the dumps.

Out in the real world the public puts the economy top of the polls along with immigration. But 'economy' hides a multitude of sins. Voters are worried about rising prices, hanging on to a job or getting one in the first place.

The BBC, bless, has always done its best to beat an upbeat drum but comes unstuck when the 'recovery' vehicle turns into a breakdown truck.

Top stories - unemployment increase, inflation rate rises and the economy 'to stay in the doldrums' make a mockery of 'recovery'.

The Orange Party never bought into Borrowing Brown's weak excuse blaming it all on global this and that. The economy is decided by government policies or lack of them. Whether it is over banks, regulation or UK manufacturing.

Shifting the blame is a lamentable excuse from a lamentable leader, burying heads in the sand, spinning a way out of an economy mess of his own making.

Latest unemployment figures give a "mixed" picture of the "labour market" goes the spin. Er, unemployment is the number of poor souls out of work.

The number of people lucky to have a job has fallen. Long-term unemployment has risen. The claimant count may be down but unemployment has risen to a 16 year high. By 43,000 to 2.5 million during the three months to February, according to the ONS.

The official number of people 'claiming' unemployment benefit may well have fallen but that depends on who signs on and who signs off for whatever reason.

ONS figures showed youth unemployment rising, with nearly a million 16 to 24-year-olds out of work. Unemployment among the over-50s rose to 396,000.

One fifth of the population is "economically inactive" - out of work and not seeking work - rising to a record 8.16 million, equivalent to 21.5%. Students in the main, forced into useless education courses instead of real jobs.

The Orange Party has come over all blue. The worst thing to do would be to impose New Labour's NI jobs tax, today slammed by more business bosses. All this is a week when a leading forecaster warned the immediate prospects for the UK were "dismal". The economy will remain "stuck in the doldrums" this year with a tiny 2010 predicted growth of 1%.

The ugly side of printing funny money is beginning to show with the CPI inflation rate favoured by government rising sharply to 3.4%. And RPI inflation, which includes housing costs, also rising sharply to 4.4%.

The cock-eyed way of living in La-La land on borrowed money and borrowed time will be brought into sharp focus to round off the week.

Public finance figures tomorrow will show the extent of Borrowing Brown's binge. The bogeyman of crucial GDP growth figures out for Q1 on Friday is set to be spun as election 'good news' with rigged recovery.

The sham of spinning a deficit leaving a mountain of debt behind is a deceitful Darling debt dodge. Brown spin over debt and deficit, with rigged 'GDP' and fantasy growth is a deceitful way to run the economy.

Economic mumbo jumbo, fiddled figures and fudge. What is clear is that a whole raft of appalling figures on New Labour's watch blow out of the water any chance of a jobs recovery, with public sector cuts looming whoever holds the reigns of power.

The choice boils down to who voters trust to fix the economic mess or are happy to leave to fudge it.

Bottom graphic: Spectator


Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Will Voters See Through Clegg Sham?

Searing sunlight of scrutiny is now shining on Windbag Clegg and his potty party. Brown is left grinning, while Mandy is spinning his hopes of a New Labour dream.

The wind is being knocked out of Cleverclogs Clegg's sails. Mr Popular and his one hit wonder is being unmasked as a one-trick pony propped up by Saint Vince's slipping halo and Mandy's plan for ever-lasting New Labour.

Election weary voters are frustrated, angry and bored. A seismic wave of hype keeping the Cleggmania bandwagon bouncing along may be on the wain. But Mandy's lifetime's work on the Blair Witch project could still come to fruition.

The Orange Party noted during that debate how Cocky Clegg, "slouching with hands in pockets", got up the nose of viewers. Now privileged public schoolboy Clegg is today's splash in the Torygraph, with something of the young Blair about him.

Calamity Clegg's only claim to fame is to ride high on the back of the public's disgust with politics in the wake of the MPs' expenses scandal. But Smug Clegg's claims to offer an 'alternative" to the old Westminster politics is a sham, bunging in dodgy expenses claims and airbrushing an EU lobby firm out of his CV.

The Orange Party has pointed out so often - Clegg is part of the Westminster class. A class act shamelessly exploiting the public mood. But not a class apart.

Schoolboy Clegg rang a Phoney Blair bell. LibDems opted for a Blair lookalike without Iraq baggage in the days when Blair was still flavoursome. Mandy and Campbell gave Clegg a back-handed compliment of Clegg 'style' over Brown 'substance', fanning the flames of Cleggophilia to bury Brown's walking debate disaster.

All roads lead back to spin and Brown sauce. Clegg is Mandy's secret weapon. No wonder Gordon is grinning. The classic Campbell and mischievous Mandy double act worked a treat. But time for a reality check.

Cleverclogs Clegg's claim that "all my life" he had opposed the rotten nature of the Westminster system has been laid bare today by Oborne writing in the Mail in what he describes as Clegg's "audacious fib":

"Clegg is as much part of part of the old system of corrupt politics that he pretends to be apart from … In truth, Clegg is a prime specimen of the British political class who has reinvented himself as a rebel and an outsider. Nor is his party more decent and honest than other political parties, as Clegg suggests."

Little Nick with his novelty act tapped in to the public mood in a single TV talent show but the frenzy was whipped up in the spin room with the old Tuckers working the crowds. And the media went wild for the 'underdog' making a more exciting election storyline.

Now duped by Classic Campbell and Mischievous Mandy, Cleggmania is seared on a gullible public mind and the nations branded with bullshit, as Mandy pushed Clegg's boat out and an electorate was sucked in by the spin.

Nothing will shift tribal loyalties which run deep. But up for grabs are the vast swathes of wavering voters who deserted the Tories in droves for Phoney Blair's promised land. The Dave Party is pinning its hopes on winning them back along with dozens of LibDems seats.

Talk of 'a three horse race', is nonsense. LibDems, with 63 seats, cannot pull off mission impossible. New Labour's rigged electoral advantage will leave LimpDems hanging in third place.

Tories are still winning, New Labour still losing. But while the Tories natural instinct is to ignore LibDems, the warning of 'vote Clegg and get Brown' rings true.

Cameron has a fight on his hands. But with his back to the wall, nothing beats a fighter when both his and his party's survival is at stake.

Calamity Clegg could turn into Danger Mouse, holding the balance of power without the mandate of the biggest number of seats. And that would send a shiver down the spines of the money markets. But a Lib-Lab European-style coalition leaves Mandy pulling the strings with a new European order backed up by Euroboy Clegg.

The dream of the Gang of Four to highjack the Labour Party for their own social democrat ends and screw the Tories forever with a rigged voting system could finally turn to reality.

An unholy alliance between the now defunct 'Liberal' and 'Labour' parties. Two-faced Clegg is part and parcel of that New Labour project. In time Labour tribalist Brown, brought in to cook the books, would be cast off like an old boot.

The Orange Party certainly believes the current two party stranglehold of the main Westminster parties needs to be taken by the scruff off the neck and shaken to the core. If only to remove the stench of corruption from the House of Shame.

But wishy-washy LimpDems propping up failed fag-end New Labour is a recipe for disaster. Another New Labour sandwich of all style and no substance to be munched and spewed out in the fantasy world of another useless Mandy millennium dome.

UPDATES: Mandy has declared Clegg a figure "to be taken seriously", paving the way for son of New Labour. Cathy Newman's indispensable C4 FactCheck reveals Clegg's past is coming back to haunt him.