Sunday, April 18, 2010

Clegg More Popular Than Jesus?

"Clegg nearly as popular as Churchill", proclaims the Sunday Times. Whatever next? Clegg more popular than Jesus? Calm down dears, it's only a Cleggophilia commercial.

"Clegg nicks top spot", punned the Mail. "Clegg get the yoof vote", from the cool Observer. "Cleggmania" from the IoS - but don't mention The War. Clegg more popular than Jesus? Lennon would have had something to say about that.

Resorting to reporting opinion polls is lazy journalism. But time to issue an apology - Private Eye style.

In common with other hacks, the Orange Party may have given the impression that we entertained a low opinion of Nowhere Man Clegg, with headlines such as "Calamity Clegg a walking disaster" and "Windbag Clegg full of hot air". The Orange Party now acknowledges there was not a jot of truth in such scurrilous slurs and is happy to put the record straight.

There's something "exciting" happening in politics, declared Little Nick, making the most of his talent show bounce. And the media is lovin' it. Cocky Clegg is part of the media class loved by media luvvies. The underdog makes a more exciting election storyline.

The Orange Party gets the feeling folk following the little party for the little people with a little manifesto don't like a leader who gets too big for his boots. But LibDems opted for a telegenic Phoney Blair lookalike without the Iraq baggage or "David Cameron's stunt double" as bitter Chris Huhne put it before being beaten for the leadership.

It's election time and the yellows are happy to suck up to Wonderboy. If Smug Clegg comes unstuck come election day, expect the men in grey sandals to be round like a shot.

The love-bombing was a flash in the pan. But Calamity Clegg could turn into Danger Mouse for democracy, holding the balance of power without the mandate of the biggest number of seats. And that would send a shiver down the spines of the money markets.

The Orange Party lays the blame on the shoulders of the old Tucker Campbell, who returned to fan the flames of Cleggophilia with Clegg 'style' over Brown 'substance'. A Mandy/Campbell double act to big up Clegg, taking the heat off Boring Brown and bury his dismal debate disaster.

The media was daft enough to be duped by Classic Campbell and Mischievous Mandy and swallow the crap. Now Cleggmania is seared on a gullible public mind and the nations branded with bullshit as part of the spin.

But wishy-washy LimpDems and Windbag Clegg face a two pronged attack from Tories and New Labour. Instead of letting the Limps get away with fudge and waffle, attack lines are being slipped in here and there. Sly digs followed by a pounce on potty policies, as shell-shocked Cameroons and Broons come out fighting the yellow peril.

Posh Clegg's privileged public-school upbringing is starting to rub up the wrong way and take the shine off Smug Clegg, slouching around with hands in pockets. Tories have been handed a gift with Eurocrat Euroboy Clegg, more for an EU superstate than Boney Blair.

The real Labour Party too is not a happy bunny. The Orange Party noted yesterday how, despite the false snuggles, Brown, Labour to the core, hisses the word 'Liberal' between gritted teeth.

Stop calling us 'Liberals' snarl the, er, Liberals with Democrats glued on, sensing a sense of derision. Seemingly oblivious to the once great Liberal Party. New Labour is waking up to the fact that it is the 'Liberals' who are the real thorn in the side of the Labour Party.

Little Nick with his novelty act may have been crowned king of the show. The TV 'debate' wasn't a game changer but the debate of the debate did drone on. Any resulting hung parliament chaos would be as much the fault of a fawning media chasing a story and headlines as it would Mandy pushing the line and an electorate sucked in by the spin.

All roads lead back to spin and Brown sauce. Clegg is Mandy's secret weapon. No wonder Gordon is grinning.

Talk of 'a three horse race', is naive. Tribal loyalties run deep. LibDems, with a current 63 seats, cannot pull off mission impossible. Mixing red and yellow gives - Brown.

New Labour's in-built electoral advantage will give a Tory or New Labour seat victory with LibDems hanging in third place. Tories are still winning, New Labour still losing. Tories natural instinct is to ignore LibDems but warn: vote Clegg and get Brown.

The Sunday Times splash was either lazy journalism for a lazy Sunday or a tongue-in-the-cheek pop at all the media hype. The Orange Party suspects the Clegg bounce will be short-lived despite the hype, unless a seismic wave keeps the Clegg bandwagon rolling.

Instead of banging on supporting the opinion poll industry, the Big Media, which helped whip up Cleggmania, now owes it to voters to put the LibDems' little-known policies under the same harsh sunlight of scrutiny it has been so keen to shine on the two main Westminster parties.

Mid cartoons: Spectator. Scarfe, Sunday Times

UPDATE: Clegg bigger than Jesus? Paul Waugh found a little picture gem. See right side bar.

1 comment:

London Lass said...

Great writing, Orange Party! Personally, I always feel one should be able to vote for Rory Bremner, since he could combine the hideous features of all the leaders into one Prime Monster.