Who Guards The Expenses Guardians?

Parliamentary democracy is being torn to shreds in the dying days of a fag-end government with plans for an unelected quango to oversee MPs' expenses. At the heart lies the vexed question: who will guard the guardians in Brown's Big Brother House?

Once again the government has found a neat way of side-stepping responsibility and accountability for its shabby actions, at a stroke sweeping away centuries of constitutional tradition at the centre of our democratic process.

On the surface it all sounds so sensible. MPs can't be trusted, so set up an 'independent' body to keep them in check.

That in itself is a sad indictment of democracy. The checks and balances are already firmly in place. They are called voters who can see through the lies and deceit and boot out the crooks and spivs if only they were given the chance.

But without that election, parliament and democracy is being reduced to a sinister farce. Scratch away at the surface and a rotten underbelly is exposed, threatening the cornerstone of constitutional democracy and parliamentary sovereignty.

For the first time, parliament will have to play second fiddle to a bunch of faceless beaurocrats and cronies. In a complete reverse of the way this country is supposed to be governed, MPs will be answerable to unelected bureaucrats not the electorate.

Time and again when the government gets itself into a mess it digs itself into a deeper hole, wriggling around with another unaccountable and unelected quango to get itself off the hook.

Trust in parliament and MPs is at an all-time low. But proposals set out in the Harman Bill move the constitutional ship of state into unchartered waters. If in doubt, set up another quango. That is not the way to build trust.

As Oborne points out today, the Parliamentary Standards Bill takes this country into "untested constitutional waters, proposing nothing less than subjugating the centuries-old sovereignty of Parliament to an unelected quango."

And to add insult to injury: "This new Bill will be voted on by a House riddled with expenses cheats which has just elected a tax-dodger as Speaker."

The despicable true colours of this smug, vile, arrogant little man propped up by New Labour cronies were vividly laid bare last night in a contemptuous interview with ITV News' political editor, Tom Bradby. The most disgusting display of pompous arrogance by a politician the Orange Party has ever witnessed. In this country.

MPs stuck two fingers up to the electorate with the election of squeaker Bercow showing they don't give a toss about honest decent voters. Bercow stuck two fingers up to Bradby and through him the public.

The rot is set to continue.

The new Parliamentary Standards Bill will set up the “Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority” to administer MPs’ pay and allowances, as well as establishing a "Commissioner for Parliamentary Investigations" to probe alleged breaches of the rules.

But there's a rub in the Harman Bill. IPSA members and the commissioner will be approved by a 'Speaker’s Committee', at a stroke handing vast power over to a bunch of political elitists who are not accountable to the electorate.

Just how will these guardians be selected? How can voters be sure they will stay corruption-free?

An elected Parliament, warts and all, is at the heart of democracy. Parliament and its lawmakers are the highest court in the land. As Oborne observes: The Commons is set to be reduced to a farce. Parliamentary government, a national joke.

So who exactly guards the guardians? The answer comes back. No-one.

The Orange Party fears for the future of democracy which is paying the price for the government's stubborn refusal to hold a general election.

The answer isn't more rules and regulators. A 'root and branch' reform of the whole expenses system, clearly setting out who can claim for what, where and when would solve the problem for the future.

Procedures are already in place for a strict enforcement of the rules and laws already there to catch culprits. It didn't work in the past because those with a vested interest turned a blind eye to the scandalous abuse.

If all MPs expenses had been truly out in the open in the first place, the squalid expenses scandal would not have happened. No MP would want would any dirty washing hung out in public.

In a democracy, the electorate is the best regulator. Voters are quite capable of kicking out the crooks, the spivs and the chancers. They're chomping at the bit but denied the chance.

What is not needed is yet another unelected, unaccountable quango or committee. Only a general election can begin to restore public trust in politics and politicians. Some will fall by the wayside and that is exactly why one is not being called for the foreseeable future.

Thanks to the font of all expenses at the Telegraph, voters now have enough information to dig out the truth behind the lies and deceit of the self-serving servants of the public.

But without that election, voters will continue to be treated with contempt. Revenge is a dish best served out of a cold ballot box.

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A Spiv For A Speaker

Government MPs have smug grins on their faces after one of their kind was elected Speaker, despite flaunting his token Tory credentials. Unless there's a massive change of heart and conscience, the election of second homes flipping spiv, Bercow, will only inflame public mood as voters treat the whole squalid mess of an election charade with the contempt it deserves.

Quentin Letts over at the Mail gets it in one - They voted for someone who could be even worse than Gorbals Mick!

Born-again Bercow finally beat off a challenge from Tory toff Sir George Young after MPs voted with their feet to ignore government favourite Old Ma Beckett amid claims of a stitch-up by the whips.

Pointedly, the Conservatives were the only ones in the House not greeting the election of a New Labour ringer with rapturous applause. Cameron's welcome was decidedly lukewarm.

More comfortable sucking up New Labour than the Tories, despised Bercow's biggest problem now is that most of his own party hate him as he tries to square up to a bitterly divided House.

And that doesn't bode well for someone charged with clearing up the stench of the expenses scandal, restoring public faith in parliament and steering the commons with an impartial hand on the tiller in the run up to a general election.

Chancer Bercow was in with a chance not for his parliamentarian skills but because he slimed up to MPs and backbenchers for years touting for the top job.

Displaying all the superficial charm of a used car-salesman/merchant banker, squeaker Bercow's toughest task now will be to charm voters, fed up, angry and thoroughly disgusted with a discredited Commons.

What was needed was a good egg, someone in it for parliament not themselves. In the end, New Labour MPs lined up to support their Trojan Horse in the speaker sweepstakes because they saw in him one of their kind and could get one over on Dave. No wonder Brown looked so chuffed with himself.

This obnoxious little man insists that he's got what it takes to restore trust in Parliament and politicians but it's difficult to see how an expenses cheat would be capable of repairing the damage of the House up to its greedy neck in sleaze and corruption.

As failed speaker hopeful Ann Widdecombe so assiduously puts it: The speaker needs the "goodwill of parliament" to succeed. The new Mr Speaker hasn't got what it takes. With many Tories detesting this vile man and New Labour voting for him in a game of ya boo sucks to the Tories, he's not the right man to restore that much-needed public trust.

MPs have learnt nothing from the devastating expenses scandal, clinging onto the the vain hope it will all blow over.

The font of all expenses shows all-round slime-ball Bercow is no stranger to the expenses scam. The Telegraph reveals how he 'flipped' his second home and twice got his tax form filled in at taxpayers expense, a move which a tax expert described as “scandalous”. So much for the much heralded fresh start.

For the history books, Bercow becomes the first 'Conservative' Speaker since 1992, following Labour's Martin and Boothroyd into the hot seat. But a Tory in name only without the guts to cross-over to his new found friends.

As the election sweepstakes unfolded, government shoe-in Beckett fell at the second hurdle, with revolting MPs refusing to play ball with a stitch-up by government whips, leaving squeaker Bercow to be installed as a ringer in the big comfy speaker's chair. The messy game of party political one upmanship will do nothing to restore battered public confidence.

MPs were still up to their old tricks, trying to juggle their favourite into the top job, treating the public and parliament with contempt. The Orange Party wholeheartedly agrees with Rachel Sylvester over at The Times. This shows the commons at its worst.

How depressing that MPs could not seize this opportunity to show the public they truly understand their anger and need for a fresh start with a Speaker who was relatively clean and not too tarnished with the expenses brush.

MPs still have a lot to learn from the public wrath over their squalid expenses which saw disgraced speaker Martin getting the boot. The Commons does not exist to serve their own greedy self-serving interest.

The high office of speaker does not exist to serve the self-serving interest of a two-bit politician who's motive to become Speaker is based more on personal ambition rather than on a honest belief in the need to clean up the Commons.

What's most disturbing is that the appointment of squeaker Bercow could bring the House even further into disrepute.

The Orange Party may be proved wrong and he may turn out to be the best thing since Betty B. But he's on probation and may not last long with the Tories waiting in the wings to pull the rug from under his feet.

Everyone wanted change except MPs with the most to lose. But for now it's back to business as usual in Brown's Big Brother House.

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Is Speaker Stitch-Up A One Horse Race?

Government favourite, Ma Beckett, could romp home in a stitched-up Speaker sweepstakes, if the whips have their wicked way. Most hopefuls having their grubby little hoofs in the taxpayers' till. A messy game of party political one upmanship is being played out at Westminster as MPs fall back into their bad old ways to elect a new Speaker which will do nothing to restore battered public confidence.

A month after disgraced speaker Martin was booted out in the wake of anger and disgust over expenses, MPs have learnt nothing.

The culture of sleaze and corruption is as bad as ever. The election for a new commons ringmaster/mistress has all the hallmarks of a charade from the start to the finishing line.

For the second time in a row, the government is hoping to install one of its own in the top commons job in its squalid bid to control Parliament. But the Orange Party prays common sense and decency will prevail.

Disgraced Martin's forced removal and a new speaker for a new greed-free dawn was a golden chance to send a reassuring message to voters that the Commons was ready for a fresh start.

Yet many of the candidates are the very MPs who've milked the expenses system with great gusto.

Treating the public and parliament with contempt, MPs are up to their old tricks, trying to juggle their favourite into the top job.

Even before the new speaker takes the chair, The Times reports claims that Beckett could make it because of a Party stitch-up. Turn-coat token Tory Bercow has long touted his speaker ambitions as a New Labour darling.

At a stroke, a bunch of crooks, spivs and chancers are ignoring their responsibility for restoring public faith in democracy choosing, instead, to debase the tarnished reputation of the commons with a Beckett or Bercow expenses cheat and government prop.

All the front-runners have form. Fresh from her gardening leave, Ma Beckett, spent almost £11,000 of taxpayers' money on gardening. All round slimeball, Bercow, 'flipped' his second home and Tory toff Sir George Young, claimed the maximum second homes allowance available for two years running.

All roads lead back to Brown, who shoehorned his pal Martin into the job when Blair called time on respected Tiller Girl turned school ma'am Betty Boothroyd. Now New Labour Party whips are up to their usual arm-twisting tricks to try to stitch-up the contest for Ma Beckett.

In a secret ballot no-one will ever know who voted for whom and that could throw up some surprises. But a likely re-run of the shabby process that put disgraced Martin into the job in the first place is on the cards, with second-rate Brown at the centre of the shoddy skulduggery to put his bod at the centre of parliamentary power and influence.

For the public, the Speaker is seen as a tourist prop, a grand figure in the pomp and ceremony of public life. But behind the scenes the position is all powerful, controlling the heart of democracy, the reputation of Parliament and MPs' expenses.

If any party leader thinks today's messy squalid spectacle is the way to restore public confidence then they will be bitterly disappointed. Whatever the outcome, whatever the spin put on it, the result will only inflame the public mood as voters treat it with the contempt and cynicism the whole squalid mess deserves.

The role of Speaker is supposed to be politically impartial. Tradition dictates that the high office is swapped between political parties so the post can command the respect of the whole of House.

Martin was a New Labour stooge. Ma Beckett, standing for the keep-things-as-they-are-Party, would follow in his shoes. Bercow brings to the contest nothing but shame and distaste from Tories. Sir George is too grand to be the choice for a people's parliament.

Meanwhile as the speaker sweepstakes continue, Brown has the gall to call for a clean up of Parliament with more transparency while at the same time whipping up support for one of his own to make sure power stays in Brown's Big Brother House.

After the expenses scandal and speaker Martin's fall from grace, it seemed for a short time MPs would get their house in order and find someone who could command the respect of the House and the country.

There are some good eggs in the rotten basket but the Orange Party fears they'll be swamped by an out-manoeuvring charade.

How depressing that MPs cannot seize this opportunity to show the public they understand that need for change.

How depressing that MPs still do not realise that the Commons does not exist to serve their own greedy self-serving interest?

Instead, it's politics as usual for a fag-end government trying to put in place a commons lap-dog, as it limbers up for its final lap of power.

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You Can Do It Gord, Just Walk Away

Battered, bruised and bullet-ridden, a forlorn Brown has opened his heart to Guardian readers saying he could "walk away from office" tomorrow. So why doesn't he?

Admitting he's been "hurt" by personal attacks on him, redacted Brown plays the sympathy card but in politics, crocodile tears rarely work. The public can see through the sham.

There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who say they're going to do something, those who just get on with it. And those who are so bunkered, blinkered and deluded with their own self-serving sense of importance they can never see the truth even if it jumps up and slaps them around the face.

So into which category does the struggling Supreme Leader fit?

In an effort to capture the media high ground, Brown today has a stab at making his case in the Guardian, the very newspaper which not so long ago came out and called for his head.

Skilfully designed to keep their man in the public spotlight and sway opinion polls, Brown actually argues the case for stepping down rather than stepping up to the mark.

Casting coups to the wind, Brown admitted flaws in his leadership, particularly how he presented himself to the public.

"I'm not as great a presenter of information or communicator as I would like to be," said YouTube Brown, adding that he is not skilled at political manoeuvring. But that's a joke. It's the one skill he does have which will be his political downfall.

At a stroke this gets to the heart of the problem facing the Party. Voters are turning to the Tories exactly because Silly Billy Brown is the leader of a fag-end government and a discredited New Labour brand with all the smug arrogance that comes with being in office for far too long.

Dismissing the recent coup attempt by Blairite ministers and backbenchers shows up a mind more interested in petty party politics rather than having the good of the country and the Party at heart.

The threat from the Blairites was a smokescreen and Team Brown know it. Without the overt support of their man Blair it could never succeed.

According to Oborne the deal has been struck between Cameron and Blair: Dave wouldn't stand in the way of Tony's quest to be EU president - if Tony promises to keep his nose out of Brown politics and give the Tories a clear run.

But the threat to the Brown camp is there. It is real. It comes from true Labour Party backbenchers who ducked out of the coup attempt in the misguided belief they could change both Brown and policy from within. Now reality could set in at September's Labour leaving Party conference.

Brown just doesn't get it and never will. He's stuck in the past. Way back to the days of John Smith. But times have changed and so too what is expected of a political leader in the new dawn of a very politically savvy public.

A political party needs someone at the front who's got a bit of personality, a bit of charisma and someone who's language connects with ordinary people.

Blair showed how it could be done. Obama followed and Cameron is having a stab at it. That's why heir-to-Blair Cameron will succeed where Brown never can.

How back-seat Brown must hate Dave's Blairish charm. Someone with the very qualities he despised in Blair now showing themselves in Cameron. Someone who has the very gift he so clearly lacks.

The danger comes when the language is exposed as a sham of empty hollow words, a shaman with a messianic message. Only fooling some of the people some of the time. For Brown, without trust, hope fades away, without charm, rhetoric bores the pants off people.

The real tragedy of Brown is it's all a con. Brown is personality driven. Bringing back Lordy Mandy, celebrity goats like Surrallan Sugar and now his own Campbell style spin doctor in the shape of suave Simon Lewis.

Amazingly the Mandy line is developed with gusto for Guardianistas. Apparently the Labour Party had "finally come round" to Mandelson, with Brown adding that he felt "there's a great affection for him now" (sic).

There's a "common purpose" (more sic) between Mandy and Billy no mates Brown apparently, oblivious to the harsh reality of life that Mandy is propping him up but only while it suits him.

When the price is right, he'll cast him off like an old sock.

Meanwhile the long-suffering public are left having to put up with all the clap-trap for months to come. Nothing but spin and hype in a phoney election war.

Revealing the three pronged election strategy - success in handling the economy, tackling MPs' expenses and nasty Tory cuts - all three claims are riddled with lies and deceit.

Sadly the poor prime minister said he found it hard to focus on strategic planning "as you have to deal with immediate events, like if a bank's going to go under". But isn't that what voters expect from a leader?

So that's it. A world-weary Brown. A prime minister who would rather hide away in the bunker, plotting how to wrong foot his opponents rather than deal with life's little irritants - the very irritants which have a real effect on real people in the real world.

Totally lacking the ability to inspire, Brown's tragedy is that you cannot teach an old dog news tricks. Just walking away with some dignity now would give him some respect. The Party and the country would breath a collective sigh of relief.

But will he do it? Will he heck. Busy, busy, busy plotting and penning political suicide notes as deluded Brown tries to get back in Guardian readers' good books.

Top picture: Guardian (redacted). Mid picture: Mail

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Spoonful Of Brown Sugar Helps Medicine Go Down

Knighted businessman turned TV presenter turned Brown goat, Sir Alan Sugar, has got the go-ahead to continue his bully boy tactics on Brown's BBC while waiting in line as one of Brown's peers brought in to advise on a central plank of government policy. The state broadcaster reckons there's no conflict of interest.

Slipped in while everyone was busy looking at what MPs had bunged on expenses, Surallan Sugar has been given the BBC's blessing and backing and will continue to front Auntie's The Apprentice, despite concerns over his new role working for the government as an "enterprise tsar".

According to the BBC, Sir Alan would not be making or endorsing government policy and the corporation also stressed that Sir Alan would hold off from all public activity in his governmental role while promoting and presenting the TV series.

Which begs the question what will he be doing for his peerage?

Surrallan came under fire from Tories after he accepted a Brown nose job as Enterprise Tzar as well as a cushy peerage.

The Tories argued the state broadcaster's stars should be politically neutral. But the Beeb has decided in its infinite wisdom his new role as a government adviser would "not compromise the BBC's impartiality".

Shadow culture secretary Jeremy Hunt had called Sir Alan's role "totally incompatible" with BBC rules and described today's statement "an outrageous piece of media management by the BBC".

"Slipping this letter out when the media is focused on MPs' expenses is simply staggering," he said adding that the DGs justification for retaining Sir Alan were "riddled with inconsistencies".

A peerage is expected to follow Sir Alan's appointment as Enterprise Champion, announced as part of bullet-ridden Brown's botched cabinet reshuffle earlier this month.

What is it with starry-eyed Brown's obsession with the cult of personality? Has he got so little of his own that he's got to bribe people with peerages in the hope some rubs off on him?

A Private Eye reader asks if anyone spotted the resemblance between a tragically departed comedian and occasional magician and the late great Tommy Cooper?

The sixth series of The Apprentice is expected to be broadcast around general election time in spring 2010, unless the struggling Supreme Leader is booted out beforehand. Just like that.

Top Picture: Private Eye front cover

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MPs Play Blankety Blank At Taxpayers' Expense

Taxpayers have been left with a Westminster game of Blankety Blank as the MPs' expenses sham has been begrudgedly dragged screaming and kicking online. Making a mockery of any pretence at openness, the public will get a little from today's squalid exercise in deception. Still left wondering where all their cash was spent.

Journalists and the public swinging over to the parliamentary web site to find out what MPs have been up to with their hard-earned cash shouldn't get too excited. It's all there in black and white. Just a little too much black.

Hundreds of thousands of carefully censored documents setting out some details of MPs’ expenses claims have been published with details dutifully blanked out. What's not there is more interesting than what is. But there are quite a few juicy titbits festering away in the pdfs. PoliticsHome is rounding them up.

The best 'bung it all on expenses' so far? Bashful Brown claimed £176.25 for a CD of photographs of himself. Wannabe orator Osborne claimed £47 for a DVD of his own speech.

The extraordinary lengths MPs have gone to hide their shabby dealings holds no bounds.

Vast swathes of information have been blacked out, in particular crucial addresses which would allow taxpayers to see how expenses had been fiddled and second homes flipped.

MPs were given weeks to pour over the exes-files and blackout information, with an army of security consultants brought in to cut out “sensitive” information and help blank out the gory embarrassing details.

Without full details of crucial addresses many of the Telegraph revelations would still be secret, including the squalid practice of "flipping" second homes to make a mint out of claims.

Today's blackout blanks out all rejected claims and their addresses and at a stroke disguises the extent to which some MPs used the flippin' flipping fiddle.

Blanked out too are the heartfelt pleas between MPs and the commons fees office to try to twist their arm over a claim. Rejected claims, such as the Remembrance Sunday wreaths, don't see the light of day. So just what did triple flipping Balls have to say on his and wife Yvette's claim forms? (opposite, click to enlarge). ConservativeHome is on their case.

Today's pointless PR exercise in 'openness' is a sham.

If the public had been left to rely on today's deceit, the fiddle over identifying the home flipping and the avoidance of capital gains tax would never have been exposed. Without the Telegraph's stirling job using uncensored claims, taxpayers would have been left in the dark, none the wiser.

And it gets worse. It's reported the commons won't be publishing documents relating to MPs who have since left the House. So that should let Lord Mandy and Boris off the hook. Some of Blair's expense claims have been mysteriously 'accidentally shredded' already - and he claimed for the shredding on expenses!

The shame list of fiddling MPs has been endless as crooks, spivs and chancers were exposed in a relentless Telegraph campaign.

The publication comes hard on the heels of the latest fiddler, treasury minister Kitty Ussher, ushered out following allegations that she avoided paying capital gains tax by "flipping" her second home. More are sure to follow sure as golden eggs is rotten eggs.

Meanwhile her serial flipping boss Darling got off Scot free and has managed cling onto his job by the skin of his teeth.

If today's blanked out claims was all the Telegraph and taxpayers had to work on, then MPs like Ussher would still be in their cushy jobs and bleating Blears, up to her neck in a similar CGT scam, wouldn't be facing constituency de-selection.

Freedom of information campaigner Heather Brooke kicked the ball off fighting tooth and nail for the expenses to be published. The High Court agreed. But those with most to hide didn't, leaving the shameful spectacle of a government and its stooges blocking the details.

Time and again taxpayers have to suffer boring Brown repeating the tired old mantra of openness and transparency - a root and branch reform of parliament. Today's publication exposes the deceit behind those weasel words.

It could have been so different if MPs had the guts to be honest and tried not to hide their greed.

It's now nearly a year since Bunkered Brown didn't turn up to vote, leaving 33 ministers to throw out a string of reforms and vote to keep themselves in the lap of luxury, despite the best efforts of Cameron's whipped shadow cabinet to support the reforms, ending in the sham of today's game of Blankety Blank.

But all is not lost. The Telegraph plans to publish a Saturday supplement of all MPs' expenses and Downing Street has set up a helpline for distressed MPs. Bless.

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Iraq Inquiry Stitch-Up Then Whitewash

Any pretence of a born-again Brown has been blown out of the water with the lies, deceits and cover-ups over the illegal Iraq war set to continue. A secret stitched-up inquiry will treat people like mushrooms - kept in the dark and fed on shit.

Philip Cooper, whose son Jamie was the youngest soldier seriously injured in Iraq, told the Observer yesterday: "Ministers should not treat us like us mushrooms - kept in the dark and fed on shit".

But that's exactly what has happened, as Brown's grandstanding talk of "reforming politics" and transparency have been revealed as cheap words and a hollow sham.

An inquiry into the disgrace of a war is set to take a full year until after the general election before the public are any the wiser. Leaving only a festering reminder of a fag-end government. Crucially it will not have powers to subpoena witnesses under oath.

Now once again a bunch of faceless cronies will be locked behind closed doors in secret while the public is kept in the dark waiting for another whitewash.

The shameful legacy of events leading to war has left many with blood on their hands, not least a disgraced two-faced ex-prime minister Blair and his "taste for war". A bloody six-year battle which left 179 UK servicemen and women dead and God only knows how many innocent Iraqi men, women and children.

But as chancellor, Brown not only supported the deceit but also authorised the war which cost taxpayers around £6.5 billion and an endless loss of lives on all sides.

Still unresolved is the squalid part played by New Labour chief spin doctor Alistair Campbell over sexed-up dossiers and invisible Weapons of Mass Destruction and the death of government scientist Dr David Kelly. The whitewash of the Hutton inquiry still sticks in many people's throats and looks set to continue.

But at the heart is the still raw anguish of the families of brave servicemen and women whose loved ones were sent to a bloody war ill-equipped and duped into the Iraq killing fields on the back of a pack of lies and deceit.

Announcing the new inquiry Brown said its structure would be similar to the Franks inquiry into the 1982 Falklands war, which was held behind closed doors and branded a "whitewash" by the then Labour opposition.

That is no justification for keeping this inquiry secret.

Few are under any illusions. The events leading up to the Iraq war and its awful aftermath was undoubtedly the worst policy mistake made by any UK government since Suez. Its dreadful legacy still fresh in many people's minds.

At issue is the legality and how the wool was pulled over everyone's eyes. Regime change and overthrowing Saddam's rotten regime was not the issue and wouldn't stand up to international legal scrutiny.

Instead it is the smokescreen of WMDs which will be buried under the new smokescreen of secrecy.

The legality of a war based on the discredited claim that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction which could be used within 45 minutes, a sexed-up dossier, a cabinet which hardly discussed Blair's war and a parliament which was conned with lies, lies and more lies. A BBC and a then campaigning Daily Mirror (opposite) which put brave heads above the parapet.

True Labour 'rebel' MPs have been let down and were expecting more than this sham. LibDems are disgusted.

Leader Nick Clegg has already said if Brown holds it all or partly in secret and kicks the eventual report into the long grass, "it will be a betrayal of all those families who lost children serving in Iraq. They need answers, not another Whitehall stitch-up."

The least Brown could have done was to throw open a new inquiry to the public and in particular families of soldiers who died. To hide behind the smokescreen of secrecy is an insult.

An inquiry of some sorts has always been on the cards. The whole shameful episode needs the disinfectant of the public spotlight. It's the timing too which is galling.

Using the inquiry as part of a personal political fight-back and to curry favour with true Labour backbenchers is playing a dirty little trick which fools no-one.

Only last year the government stalled Tory attempts to force a public inquiry. In February justice secretary Jack Straw vetoed publication of minutes of cabinet meetings discussing the legality of the war.

Just what is the point of an inquiry behind closed doors? No family, no MP with a heart or a conscience would be happy with that. They have already been lied to by the government. The time for lying should be over.

If the expenses scandal taught Brown and MPs anything is should have been that now is the time for honesty and open government.

Today's stitched-up secret inquiry with a whitewash outcome in a year's time just puts the clocks back to the bad old days of New Labour lies, deceit and spin.

Top/Middle picture: Private Eye. Bottom picture: Daily Mirror 2003

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Silly Billy No Mates Brown

Casting caution and Blears to the wind, Silly Billy Brown has come up with another YouTube video, with an impression of Rory Bremner. And Billy-no-mates Brown has popped up on Facebook with only Mandy for a new best friend.

Silly Billy Brown's excruciating YouTube video was always going to be a gift to satirists and Rory Bremner has got all the ducking and a-divin' down to a tee. As some politicians have remarked already, 'Bremner, Bird and Fortune' would be funny if it wasn't all so damn true.

Now to cap it all, Billy-no-mates Brown has a Facebook page paid for by taxpayers, with only Mandy the Magnificent signing up to be Brown's new best friend. How many more cronies and yes men will have their arms twisted over the next few weeks to join the Brown party?

Today it's still the battle of the cuts and chancellors as sour-graped Balls pushes out Darling and takes time out from his busy schedule ducking responsibility for the Sats fiasco and Baby P scandal to offer a few words on the spat which should be taken at best with a large dollop of Brown sauce and at worse as a pack of lies.

Cut through the crap, tell it how it is. Voters are big enough to take it. That's what shadow chancellor Osborne's masterclass in The Times has done, with a refreshing call for honesty over dishonesty. Now it's New Labour on the back-foot as the schoolboy Mr 10% jibe heads nowhere.

Still bored? Then the Orange Party recommends Philip Johnson's excellent demolition job on the festering New Labour project and a portrait of Brown as a man convinced of his own rectitude.

To surmise that Brown will disappear up his own false rectitude isn't so far off the mark.

Today the struggling Supreme Leader is due to announce details of the long-awaited inquiry into what ranks as the most disgusting and shameful of all Blair's legacies - the Iraq war, as part of the born-again-Brown campaign.

If there's even a whiff that will be held in secret and doesn't have powers to subpoena witnesses under oath - it's a sham. Another pack of lies, deceits and cover-ups which will do nothing to assuage true Labour rebels and LibDems.

A shameful piece of party politicking that will bring only disgust from the families of servicemen and women sent to war ill-equipped on the back of a pack of lies.

YouTube: Clip from 'Bremner, Bird and Fortune', C4

HatTip: Dizzy

Axe graphic: News of the World

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