Sunday, January 10, 2010

Battered Brown's "Savaged" Sunday

Billy-no-mates Brown's bad election hair day continues a pace with bitter foes crawling out of the woodwork in the wake of the botched-up 'curry house plot'. The wounded dog is being "savaged" from all sides but refuses to lie down and die. Week one started with a whimper and ended with a bang. Seconds are out - round two.

Round one of the foggy phoney election war went to freshly scrubbed-up and airbrushed Cuddy Cameron but shouldn't have. Daft Dave's mix up over marriage tax was a muddled mess.

With delicious irony, Team Cameron has Mandy, Hoon and Hewitt to thank for the struggling Supreme Leader now hostage to his own cabinet. Plotters have nothing to lose, spilling the beans with every twist and turn.

Downing Street's line to come out fighting with a united front is as silly as Bunkered Brown's feeble attempt to dismiss the plot as "silliness' in today's News of the Screws and his rallying call on Monday to the Parliamentary Labour Party.

Every political journalist worth his salt was working their contacts book to get the background on the botched up coup bid.

Beeb Robinson blew the gaffe on lily-livered cabinet ministers' last minute back down, confirming early on there was more to this than a couple of bitter old Blairites.

As Oborne righty pointed out, H&H achieved mission impossible: "A dramatic and irreversible shift in the balance of power at the top of government."

The Orange Party surmised at the time, the coup bid had 'Pussycat Peter's pawprints all over it'.

Fed up and frustrated, Gordon 'is the only toy Mandy has left to play with', as Battered Brown and sidekick Balls' obsession with 'core voters' wrecked all the hard work put into his beloved New Labour project.

Downtrodden Darling couldn't get in fast enough like a ferret up Brown's trouser leg after deals were struck, gleefully warning in The Times that under New Labour the country now faces its toughest spending cuts in 20 years. Savaged by Darling with savage spending cuts, a sure fire vote winner, eh?

Dreadful Darling should be fronting a TV advert for The tired old New Labour 'cuts' line has been up and down more times than Glenda Slagg's knickers.

All grist to the mill for fresh-faced Cameron looking comfy today on Marr's sofa, grasping the immigration nettle and promising faster and deeper cuts. Dave's a dab hand at kissing babies. And looks genuine. But then so did fresh-faced Blair.

The coup bid brought good news. Big Balls has been cut down to size and put back in his box along with his old class war election attack line. So last year and so misguided after the Gang of Four's successful 1997 political strategy of winning over vast swathes of Tory voters.

The silenced true Labour left are left to lick their wounds and resurface after election defeat without posh school educated Bully Boy Balls. But that is then. This is now.

Savaging continues with Blair's defence secretary and snow plot man Buff Hoon delivering a damning indictment on Bunkered Brown blocking vital helicopters for Iraq and Afghanistan. 'Hoon savages PM over Afghan war' screams The Sunday Times.

Hoon is set to be one of the first politicians to be savaged by a dead sheep at the Chilcot Iraq war whitewash. Would he really blame himself or finger his warmongering pal Blair?

Leaked letters reveal how, as chancellor, Brown repeatedly prevented Hoon from ordering life-saving battlefield equipment, paving the way for a new Vietnam but without the helicopters. Just another New Labour minister with 'blood on his hands'.

TV highlight of this week is Blair's surly spin doctor Campbell's appearance in front of the Chilcot sheep dog trials and his hand in the sexed up WMD dossier. A more mellow Campbell than when he bullied his way into Channel 4 News in the wake of the dodgy dossier scandal but he still knows where they live.

WMDs and dodgy dossiers at dawn with the old Tucker making mincemeat out of Chilcot. But the Orange Party has a sneaky feeling the outrage over Campbell's part in the outing of government scientist Kelly before his mysterious death may be ruled outside the inquiry remit.

Today ex-New Labour chief, Watt, bit off a bit more of Battered Brown with more explosive savaging. Soon there won't be anything left of Bitten Brown to savage.

Spilling more beans on Bottling Brown's 2007 election that never was, the former Labour Party general secretary rounded on the PM as "unfit for office" and "reducing Number 10 to a shambles".

A man with a big axe to grind, stabbed in the back over Donorgate, Abrahams and dodgy donations sure but politics is all about timing.

Watt’s bombshell comes just days after the bid to oust Beleaguered Brown and the outing of cabinet ministers behind the botched plot, fuelling further speculation over the vexed question: Is deluded Brown bonkers?

Meanwhile cash strapped New Labour continues to highjack the airwaves, with taxpayer funded blatant political propaganda dressed up as government 'information' as part of the sham to prop up a good news feel good factor.

But the Tories have got wind of the sham. Spending on biased and misleading bids to blow the trumpet for failed New Labour policies with backdoor electioneering now stands at a record £214m.

After community coppers and Balls' doomed diplomas, the public now has to suffer the con of £1m or so spent on the latest TV adverts with an all star line up of propaganda from the 'direct gov' website.

But the Tories are having it far too easy, sitting back and watching a party tear itself apart. Just as a searing light is shone on Cameron's Conservatives, up pops another fine mess of Brown's own making.

Is there any hope for long suffering, election weary voters stuck with watching a wounded dog die with an unelected lame duck PM of a fag-end government? The Sunday Times has thundered again an election must be called now to put the country out of its misery and end the plotting, bickering and petty political posturing.

With everyone and their dog savaging a lamentable leader, for cash rich Tories, things can only get better.

Top picture: Gerald Scarfe, Sunday Times. Mid picture: Private Eye cover

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