Thursday, August 13, 2009

Dave Ducks Out Of Dumping Dunky

Dave has ducked out of dumping Dunky Duncan after the Rations Rat blew any Tory pretence of being the People's 'Progressive' Party out of the water. Cameron gained the high ground on the MPs' expenses scandal. Now he's in danger of showing his true posh blue colours, refusing to sack Duncan from his shadow post.

Just when Dave managed to duck the Duck House, up popped Dunky, out of the blue, caught on hidden camera, moaning about MPs "living on rations and treated like shit."

But hot of his hols, Cameron has said he will not sack one of his top frontbenchers with the lame excuse: "Alan made a bad mistake and he acknowledges that."

You have to feel sorry for the 'poor' man. There he was, ration book at the ready, spouting forth while sipping a glass of wine on the commons terrace, blissfully unaware his shitty words were being recorded for posterity (see right side-bar).

There's no fool like a silver-haired old fool. The millionaire media-whore craved for a taste of celebrity. Thems what seek the public spotlight set themselves up for newspaper stings, the odd prankster with a cute little camera in his lapel or a spot of political dirty tricks.

And it was all going so well for Team Cameron. The usual summer cat-fight was well underway, with Boy George Osborne getting right up the nose of Pussycat Peter, claiming the Tories were now the "progressive" party. That went deep.

Mandy is not a happy bunny. Time to trash the Tories and dust off a Dunky video which magically appeared out of nowhere.

Progressive? It sounds a bit like someone's just taken the pee out of regressive.

Dave came down on Dunky like a ton of bricks but stopped short of the big E, blissfully unaware that comments like that may just raise an eyebrow in the stockbroker belt but on the coal-face it's class war.

The Tories need gobby fat cats like Duncan like a hole in the head if hard-up voters are to turn to the Tories because they like them rather than suffer daily dollops of Brown sauce.

Nick Cohen put it so well: “The campaign will be a massacre. Four weeks of Cameron - whom you can’t help liking even if you disagree with him - vs Brown - whom you can’t help disliking even if you agree with him”.

All that on a day when unemployment hit yet another record high, youngsters face a life on the dole and families face a mountain of debt, forced to turn to loan sharks on the high streets and the back streets.

Under orders from a furious boss, Duncan was forced to back-pedal offering an "unreserved" apology. Just the jestful bleating of a millionaire who's trousering a fortune as an MP.

Have I Got News For You, Dunky. No one believes that. You were deadly serious - in a wealthy, privileged sort of way. And the Orange Party reckons there are quite a few MPs of all colours who'd agree - but not naive and immature enough to be caught on camera.

Cameron had managed to gain the high ground on the expenses scandal and the high ground as the general election draws near.

Duncan has shown himself up and shown up his Party. In a class war which is sure to break out as the election draws ever near, would the public vote for a government if Duncan was in the cabinet?

Dave should have returned from hols with a pressy for dear Duncan - a bottle of whisky and a loaded revolver. He should be sacked from his shadow post - a view shared by grassroots Tories.

Instead it's business as usual in the troughing House of Shame and Duncan and his ilk are free to makes even bigger prats of themselves all over again.

Top picture: Duncan having a charity ball with a Prince Charles impression (Guardian)


Maturecheese said...

Dave hasn't sacked Duncan because he wants to keep a team together. If he follows Labour and chops and changes everything at the drop of a hat, simply over Pr gaffs, he will end up the same as Labour, that is with incompetent, inexperienced heads of departments that have no idea what they are doing. Its a bit like football management, you need some continuity and with that you get managers(Ministers) that gain experience of their clubs(Ministries)and gradually stamp their personality on them. This way they are more likely to run them properly.

Anonymous said...

You're right. Duncan should go. A millionaire who considers that £65 grand plus extremely generous subsistence allowances and expenses is the equivalent of living on rations and being treated like shit has no understanding of the reality of life for the average family.

Duncan should be made to apply for and subsist for a minimum of a month on Job Seekers Allowance and nothing else. Then he just might start to understand what 'rationing' and being treated like sh!t really is.