Wednesday, May 13, 2009

A Bang, Tears And Unhappy Ending

It's chequebooks at dawn as the bad and the ugly play follow the new Leader in Westminster pay-back time. MPs are hoping the Telegraph's fickle finger of fate is running its course. But events have a nasty habit of turning up when you least expect them. Stand by for another nasty surprise. 

Trying to close the expensesgate after the pigs have troughed and the horses  bolted has left behind the rotten stench of damaging debris. MPs are competing for the hairiest hairshirt in town as they pay back their ill-gotten gains. 

Where Cameron leads, others followed, copying him and playing catch-up. He showed his mettle at PMQs. Brown was out of touch, out of his depth and just wanted to be out of here. But the worse may be yet to come. 

Clegg has asked his MPs to repay dodgy claims.  Bunkered Brown is a-huffin' and a-puffin', putting on his make-up and serious smile,  calling for the bleedin' obvious "independent scrutiny" of expenses.  

MPs broke out into a sweat as the Telegraph's relentless drip-feed of damaging revelations fingered the high and now not so mighty from all parties. 

But so far its all been about lavs and lawnmowers, bathplugs and barbecues - and the flippin' second homes fiddle which is at the centre of the outrageous scam.

Some have come up squeaky clean, some escaped by the skin of their teeth, others exposed as greedy chancers, spivs and crooks. 

But one thing still puzzles the Orange Party. Which odd couples claims could spell double trouble? Who's ready to have their collar felt by the Old Bill? And in the middle of all the shenanigans, where's the sex?

The Telegraph has milked it for all its worth and exposed the greedy bunch of chancers with their snouts in the trough, milking the rotten system for all its worth, exposing an expenses scandal festering for years. And for that the newspaper deserve a Public Service Medal. 

Have any couples been playing 'double your money'? Who's set for an appointment with Knacker of the Yard? Who's been having it away with an awayday expenses ticket?

After all, the Telegraph knows where they say they live, who they've been calling and where they've been shacking up.

Maybe the Orange Party is just a cynical old cynic and MPs are inhuman after all. 

Toasted Blears has been forced to get her cheque book out in the full glare of the media like a little sacrificial lamb to the slaughter. The future of disgraced speaker Martin hangs in the balance.  Heath minister Phil 'No' Hope has finally got his chequebook out for a whopping £41,709, plus expenses. 

But so far there have been no scalps and no resignations. The race is still on to find that golden bullet of trust to capture the political high ground and make peace with the voters. 

Cameron has won the first round. But the biggest casualty has been Brown playing catch-up

The expenses scandal brought out the worse qualities of Brown's political leadership style when it's the public mood that sets the agenda rather than carefully timed, placed and spun policy announcements.

It happened over the Gurkhas. It's happening over expenses. Brown and the New Labour cabinet like to control and be in control. He must put tribal party political posturing aside for the good of the country and parliament if his Party is to survive.

But the Orange Party gets the impression the Supreme Leader sees this whole expenses thing as an irritating diversion from his task of 'saving the world' and he comes across as arrogant, self-satisfied and out of touch with the public mood. 

Cameron is looking every inch a true leader and Brown's lot don't like it one bit.

Cameron was cross, Brown was blinkered and bunkered and clumsy Clegg just looked daft. Why on earth didn't he get in quick with a pay-back before the Telegraph went live last night? 

The Telegraph hasn't gone to all this trouble for nothing. The slow drip feed on expenses came under fire from New Labour spinners who wanted it all out into the open in one fell swoop. 

But they would, wouldn't they. When you're in the firing line, send out a smokescreen and blind with confusion. 

The Orange Party doesn't want to stick its journalistic neck out and spend the day sucking lemons, but it won't end in a whimper. More likely a bang and certainly in tears. 

Interesting to note the MPs who haven't been fingered yet by the Telegraph. Make your own list, draw your own conclusions. Tomorrow is just another day. 

Lower Picture: Front cover Private Eye

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